"Topless paparazzo" Holly Van Voast claims in court that New York City police repeatedly arrested and institutionalized her for legally baring her breasts while wearing a Marilyn Monroe wig and Don Juan mustache.
Kama Sutra Pleasure Balm Prolonging Gel catastrophically disfigured a man's penis and made him permanently unable to ejaculate, he claims in court.
Spring finally has come to Vermont. I drove past the village green the other day with my dearly beloved in the shotgun seat, while a nearly naked young woman walked her dog in the other direction.
I craned my head around for a better look. Jane didn't get mad. She knew I was looking at the dog.
Dogs are one of the chief joys of life.
I have a great big Akita and Jane has a golden retriever puppy who keeps him company. I consider Chester the Chief Dog and Bonnie the Adjunct Dog, though Jane thinks otherwise.
I am rather the intellectual type, and consider a day spent reading commentaries on Shakespeare 12 hours well spent, but I gladly lay aside the books to watch Bonnie and Chester play their favorite games, which are wrestling, keep-away and tug of war.
I can watch them happily for hours, and I don't know why.
A large proportion of the Earth's people consider dogs "unclean." I don't understand that.
I don't want to jump on anyone's religion here. I think all religions are equally ridiculous, including the other two Major Monotheistic Religions, which have beliefs just as insane as the prejudice against dogs. So let's get back to dogs.
We paid what I consider a considerable amount of money to put an invisible fence around our yard for the dogs. It's a buried wire that will zap the dogs with electricity if they cross the line, which is marked with flags.
I held the zapping device in my hand and crossed the line to feel what the dogs feel. Not much to it. It was a surprise, more than anything.
So for three weeks we've been training the dogs not to cross the line.
We did this because it was such a pain in the ass to hook them up to tethered leashes every time we let them out. They tangled up the leashes, instantly, and ended up snarled like gasping fish in the backyard. With an invisible fence, we can just let them go, and they can wrestle and play chase and tug of war to their hearts' content.
I realize there are far more important things to write about today: genocide in Syria, repression of minorities in Russia and the United States, terrorism and war in the Middle East, global warming, corporate corruption, the resurgence of fascism around the world, and right here at home.
But I don't want to write about those things. Those things, like the poor, will always be with us. Like Abe Lincoln said, God must love catastrophes because there are so many of them.
I'd rather write about animals.
All over Vermont now the baby animals are out in the fields: baby cows and goats, baby sheep and llamas. Woodchucks have emerged from their dens, sleek, fat and brown. Great blue herons are back, and Canada geese. Northern cardinals, scarlet tanagers, Baltimore orioles and pyrrhuloxia. I saw two indigo buntings this week: astounding fellows in electric blue.
And this week, for the first time, I let both dogs off the leash and let them run around in the yard - front yard, back yard, side yard - all of it. I lay on my back in the grass and looked up at the tall white pines waving in the wind, and the blue blue sky with a few puffy white clouds in it, and the dogs abandoned their games to come stand over me and lick my face, again and again and again.
Surely this must be heaven.
Chicago's plan to shut down 53 elementary schools will "needlessly uproot, transfer, and destabilize" black and special ed children, parents say in two federal class actions.
Plans for a Scotland wind farm near a site Donald Trump is eyeing for a golf course has the bloviating billionaire huffing and puffing in the U.K.'s Daily Mail.
A student who was wounded in the 2012 Chardon High School shooting claims the shooter's family had more than 50 unsecured guns in their home, including the one used in the deadly assault.
A Michigan strip club "misses the net and the rim" by challenging billboard restrictions that the state already muzzled as unconstitutional, the 6th Circuit ruled.
The 5th Circuit had little patience for a repeat suit brought by Gulf Coast residents who blamed major emissions producers for fueling Hurricane Katrina.
A teacher for the hard of hearing called a little boy "gay" and a "fag," through an amplifier, the Fresno school district claims, and it sued her and her union for the right to suspend her for two days.
Concorde Career Colleges lured respiratory therapy students to pay $40,000 tuition by boasting a 95 percent job placement rate within 6 months of graduation, but its real placement rate in that time frame is "zero percent," eight students claim in a class action.
An America Express program for Walmart debit cards exposes shoppers to fraud, and a technology executive who warned AmEx about it was fired for his trouble, he claims in a $1 million lawsuit.
PEMEX, Mexico's national oil company, claims in court that Siemens bribed PEMEX officers, including a Mexican senator, to get millions of dollars in extra payments for a refinery modernization.
Father and son investment advisers defrauded clients of millions of dollars by "cherry picking" trades, keeping the profitable ones for themselves and dumping the losers on clients, the SEC claims in Court.
The Missouri Legislature passed a law limiting lawsuit awards to people who claim injuries from Doe Run's lead mine tailings in St. Francois County.
A middle school teacher in San Diego on Thursday admitted possessing child pornography, federal prosecutors said.
Ebix shorted Microsoft on sales of licensed products and obstructed Microsoft's inquiry into its cheating, Microsoft claims in Federal Court.
Broward County School administrators knew middle-school teacher Kristen Sullivan was having sex with a student in school on a daily basis but did nothing to stop it, the boy's mother claims in a federal complaint against the school board only.
CYVA Research Holdings claims Comerica Bank and other banks violate its patent on a "personal information security and exchange tool," in seven federal complaints.
Brandon Hale, David Biagas and Marcus Boyd claim Atlantic Recording Corp., Tremaine Aldon Neverson pka Trey Songz et al. used their song "Boomerang" on Trey's ditty, "Heart Attack," in Federal Court.
Sumner Redstone's flagship business National Amusements cannot recoup legal fees after reopening a flea market amid worries about leftover Army explosives, the 3rd Circuit ruled.
Chrysler owes just $300,000 to an employee who endured over 70 incidents or racist, homophobic and anti-Semitic harassment, even though a jury awarded him $4.2 million, the 7th Circuit ruled.
A Texas sheriff's deputy nicknamed "Taser Joe" may have used excessive force when he Tasered a handcuffed man lying face-down on the ground, the 5th Circuit rulied.
A federal judge slapped Wells Fargo with a $203 million restitution order and a new injunction in a class action over "high-to-low" debit posting.
The children of a divorcing couple were properly ordered to be returned from New York to Canada for a custody determination, the 2nd Circuit ruled.
Accenture must pay $44.4 million dollars to Wellogix, a former client whom it drove to the edge of financial ruin and cheated of its trade secrets, the 5th Circuit ruled.
Federal prosecutors demanded an injunction Friday against a Brooklyn company that has "a history of processing fishery products under insanitary conditions, with inadequate safety procedures."
A fourth company will join the fight to prove that the government lied about losing 1,000 leased shipping containers so it could keep using them without paying, a federal judge ruled.
A federal judge approved a settlement in a labor case against AT&T for alleged failure to pay overtime or provide meal and rest breaks.
The National Park Service illegally opened two off-road vehicle trails in Big Cypress National Preserve, harming the Florida Panther, the Center for Biological Diversity claims in Federal Court.
The United States owes the Eastern Band of Cherokee Indians $2.3 million for health-care services, the tribe claims in Federal Court.
Nickilodeon Child Care Center employee Marva Moore picked up a kid "and threw him airborne across the room into a window ledge, causing severe and permanent injuries," his mother claims in Cuyahoga County Court.
Ontario, Calif. police needlessly Tasered a small, thin man to death, his family claims in Federal Court.
Hertz fired an assistant manager for complaining of racial discrimination, after telling him, "'the customers don't like your kind,' or words to that effect," he claims in Jefferson County Court.
In a sexual harassment suit against Paula Deen and her brother, a magistrate judge unsealed inappropriate Tweets about the case posted by plaintiff counsel.
A longtime television news anchor who accused the IRS of "hammering him" after he interviewed President Barack Obama is off the air until further notice.
McKesson sent unsolicited faxes to at least 40 recipients, even though the FCC informed it in 2008 that such actions violate the Telephone Consumer Protection Act, a class claims.
Courtney Love owes Graymans Inc. $70,792 for debt-collection services, the company claims in Superior Court.
The Palm Beach County Sheriff smoke-bombed a house, broke in the door, "roughed up" and handcuffed people and destroyed property - but it was the wrong house, three people claim in Palm Beach County Court.
Wide receiver Jacoby Jones breached an agreement to promote a Super Bowl party, showed up late and just used it as a place to hang out with friends, After Party Entertainment claims in a $192,450 demand in Harris County Court.
Bark et al. challenge the U.S. Forest Service's approval of 17 miles of new downhill bicycle trails from Timberline Lodge on Mount Hood, in Federal Court.
Fintage House, a licenser and distributor of entertainment products, owes Jeffrey Cooper more than $500,000, Cooper claims in Superior Court.
Robert Fowler, 51, of Duluth, Ga., defrauded people of $350,000 in a prime bank scheme through his company US Capital Funding II Series Trust 1, the SEC claims in Federal Court.
Great Performances/Artists as Waitresses and its CEO Lizbeth Neumark skim the tips from their employees, a class action claims in New York County Supreme Court.