MANHATTAN (CN) - Three women claim a cookbook writer from upstate New York hired them as au pairs, then sexually enslaved them.


     SACRAMENTO, Calif. (CN) - Whether California's 2011 budget was an elaborate shell game or a truly balanced budget wasn't for state Controller John Chiang to decide, California's two most powerful legislators say. 

     Remember Beatlemania?
     Most people in the United States can't possibly remember it, because they weren't born yet.
     The median age of U.S. citizens today is 36.9, if you can believe the U.S. Geological Survey.
     Ha! Just a little joke on our old people!
     I'm kidding about the Geological Survey. The information really came from the Republican Party Commissariat's Youth Division.
     Ha ha! Just a little joke on our Illustrious Rulers!
     Don't hold it against me next year!
     No, really, more than half of our citizens were born after December 1974 - 4 years after the Beatles broke up, and 8 years after their last concert, if you can believe the CIA Yearbook.
     And I do believe it.
     Really, CIA guys! I believe you! Anything you say is all right with me!
     What with this column being posted on the Internet and all!
     The median age of a U.S. male today is 35.6 years, which means he was born in June 1976.
     I remember it well. I was a jazz musician in New York. I was ... never mind what I was doing.
     The median age of a U.S. female is 38.2 years, which means she was born in November 1973. I was playing baritone sax then for The Clouds of Joy, a funk band in Portland, Oregon.
     No rabid fans ever ripped my clothes off, or demanded to have sex with me, as they did to the Beatles. Maybe I was doing something wrong.
     But this column is not about The Beatles, it's about a guy who suffered from Beatlemania long before the Beatles were born - and what happened to him, and why.
     Artie Shaw and Benny Goodman were Kings of Swing back in the 1930s and '40s. Partly, they both would admit, this was because they were white, but mainly it was because they had tremendous talent.
     Back in the Swing era, when clarinet was king, you had to choose between Shaw or Goodman, just as 30 years later you had to choose between the Beatles or the Stones.
     Artie Shaw retired from the music business several times. Once it was because fans in Boston tore his hair out and ripped his clothes trying to get a piece of him - just to touch him.
     Artie told the newspapers that his fans were "morons." This made him as many fans as John Lennon made a generation later when he said that the Beatles were bigger than Jesus.
     The Beatles gave their last public concert, in Candlestick Stadium, on Aug. 29, 1966 - Charlie Parker's birthday.
     Then The Beatles quit because it had become insane. Their screaming audiences could no longer hear them - they could no longer hear themselves - in the cavernous stadiums.
     Artie Shaw quit the music business to write books.
     I read one of them the other day.
     It's really bad.
     It's not even as good as the guys who wrote stories for "True Confessions."
     Artie Shaw had no talent for writing.
     This interests me.
     I'm a clarinet player. Artie Shaw was one of the greatest clarinet players who ever lived. He could do anything on the horn. His Gramercy 5 recordings, which introduced the harpsichord to popular music long before "Eleanor Rigby," are still knockouts 70 years later. He wrote most of the tunes.
     John, Paul, George and Ringo broke up their band and went on to make music in their own bands. I think we all can understand why they would do that.
     But Artie Shaw broke up his bands, from which he was earning $1 million a year, back in the days when $1 million was a lot of money, to try his hand at an art at which he had no talent.
     Why would a guy do that?
     Most people who remember Artie Shaw today remember him as the husband of Ava Gardner and Lana Turner - and of six other wives. After he retired from music he built himself a castle in Spain, finished fourth in a national rifle competition, became a movie promoter and producer, with hit-and-miss results, and died on Dec. 30, 2004, at 92. His exploits are recounted in an excellent new biography, "Artie Shaw: King of the Clarinet," by Tom Nolan.
     What I'd like to know is why a guy with such immense talent would abandon it to spend the rest of his life doing something at which he had no talent at all.

     (CN) -- Days before a voting deadline for a controversial court reform bill in California, judges and attorneys are putting heavy pressure on lawmakers in a final push for control of the purse strings.

     NEW ORLEANS (CN) - Mississippi and Alabama residents cannot sue the U.S. government over formaldehyde-laden trailers that the Federal Emergency Management Agency provided when Hurricane Katrina made thousands of homes uninhabitable, the 5th Circuit ruled. 

     LANSING, Mich. (CN) - A worker who responded to a request for information for a company newsletter by describing a ticket she found for a 1920s basketball game sponsored by the NAACP, in which the Ku Klux Klan played to benefit the Jewish Relief Fund, says she was fired for mentioning it. 

     SAN FRANCISCO (CN) - The U.S. Navy's plan to increase sonar exercises in the next five years will harm marine mammals and violates the Endangered Species Act, environmental groups say. 

     WASHINGTON (CN) - A Bolivian woman claims a World Bank employee enslaved her after luring her to the United States to work as a nanny. 

     HOUSTON (CN) - A software developer claims Yelp! tried to "extort" $100,000 from it by accusing it of using "web crawling and data extraction technology" to repackage publicly available data from yelp.com and sell it to businesses. 

     SAN FRANCISCO (CN) - A Latvian man hijacked the online accounts of innocent customers at large broker-dealer firms in the United States and made $850,000 by manipulating stock prices, costing his victims more than $2 million in losses, the SEC says. 

     CHICAGO (CN) - A mother says she repeatedly warned school and city officials that her son was in danger because of racial tensions at his high school, but her warnings were ignored and her son was shot in the back in the school parking lot. 

     WASHINGTON (CN) - The Food and Drug Administration plans to allow for the importation of meat that contains residues of new animal drugs not approved in the United States. 

     COLUMBUS, Ohio (CN) - After serving 20 years in prison on a conviction of poisoning her husband, a woman says the judge who convicted her "ordered her immediately released from prison based on newly discovered evidence" that her husband committed suicide. 

     MANHATTAN (CN) - A Madison Avenue art dealer defrauded a client of $4 million by selling works by Picasso, Manet, Matisse, Renoir and others, and keeping the money himself, federal prosecutors say. 

     TRENTON, N.J. (CN) - Community health centers say New Jersey is denying them millions of dollars of desperately needed Medicaid funding for poor patients. 

     ST. LOUIS (CN) - The ACLU claims St. Louis violated the Missouri Sunshine Law by refusing to turn over public records on inmate grievances. 

     MIAMI (CN) - The SEC says a crooked manager of an unregistered penny stock promoter made $169,000 from a telemarketing scam. 


     SAN FRANCISCO - A federal class action claims Neutrogena falsely advertises its cleansers as "natural," though they contain a slew of chemicals and artificial fragrances, including propylene glycol. 

     ORLANDO (CN) - State court is a better venue for claims that Volusia County and its beach officials fostered an environment where underage lifeguards felt coerced into having sex with their supervisors, a federal judge ruled. 

     (CN) - Police questioning may have caused the death of a man who had just crashed his truck into a Chicago train station and killed two people, a federal judge ruled. 

     (CN) - The Drug Enforcement Administration is not liable for releasing video footage of one of its agents shooting himself in the leg while lecturing children about gun safety, the D.C. Circuit ruled. 

     WASHINGTON (CN) - A federal judge has called for further briefing on jurisdiction by filmmakers who made pornographic parodies of "X-Men" and "The Avengers," as well as a fifth installment of "Massive Asses."

     GREEN BAY, Wisc. (CN) - Inventors of the air-operated foam dart gun can pursue claims that Hasbro owes loyalties for its popular Nerf brand of the toy, a judge ruled. 

     (CN) - Managers of a billion-dollar trust fund will have to answer claims that they made poor and self-serving investing choices, though the losses did not affect the entire lifetime distributions for the beneficiary, the 7th Circuit ruled. 

     SAN FRANCISCO (CN) - The National Park Service did not properly study how horses and mules affect California's Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Parks, a federal judge ruled. 


     WASHINGTON (CN) - The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration will presume pilots dipping below minimum altitudes over four West Coast National Marine Sanctuaries have disturbed marine mammals and seabirds. 

     WASHINGTON (CN) - The Federal Communications Commission will allow a new class of medical implants used in neuromuscular therapy to access 24 megahertz of broadband spectrum. 

     WASHINGTON (CN) - The Consumer Product Safety Commission plans to require child-resistant packaging for any product containing .08 milligrams of an imidazoline in a single package. 

     PAINESVILLE, Ohio - An apartment building blames East Ohio Gas Co. dba Dominion East Ohio for a natural gas explosion that destroyed his complex in Fairport Harbor, Ohio, on Jan. 24, 2011, in Lake County Court. 

     MANHATTAN (CN) - Reporters Without Borders joined the chorus of outrage following Twitter's announcement that it might enforce country-specific censorship.

     SAN FRANCISCO (CN) - As a November referendum looms, California's high court ruled that the state must use the latest Senate map for the June and November 2012 elections. 

     JEFFERSON CITY, Mo. (CN) - The Missouri Supreme Court refused to block the new district map for the state House, but the challengers may fare better in the lower courts. 

     MANHATTAN (CN) - In a federal class action, an author claims McGraw-Hill "systematically violates its contracts" by self-dealing transactions with its subsidiaries to cheat authors on royalties from foreign sales.


     ATLANTA - Adventure Advertising claims Simon & Schuster, Herman Cain, and Cain's company T.H.E. New Voice violated copyright by using its photo on the cover of the new book, "This is Herman Cain!", in Federal Court. 


     WEST PALM BEACH - A mother claims Florida unconstitutionally prohibits her minor daughter from giving more than $100 to political candidates for state or local office, in Federal Court. 

     LOS ANGELES - Dennis Morris claims these defendants violated copyright on his image of Sid Vicious to sell their products: Delta Apparel, Liquid Blaino Designs, and Junk Food Clothing Co., in Federal Court. 

     RIVERSIDE, Calif. - A Superior Court class action claims the Valley Health System illegally reduced pension benefits for 1,614 employees. 


     DENVER - Shambhala International (Vajradhatu) claims The Shamballa School of Esoteric Sciences violates its "Shambhala" trademark for Buddhist education, in Federal Court. 

     WASHINGTON - In a federal complaint against two men, but not their employers, the SEC claims former InPhonic VP Len A. Familant and Paul V. Greene, president of InPhonic supplier America's Premier Corp., used sham, round-trip transactions to inflate InPhonic's financial results.