Teacher Learns Lesson

It’s heartwarming when a well-meaning person tries to teach someone else a lesson and ends up doing the learning instead of just teaching. Unless, of course, the lesson learned is that you’ll be sued for teaching the lesson.

Fans of irony will appreciate the underlying tale from a Ninth Circuit ruling last week. It seems a sheriff’s deputy was called in to “counsel” a group of seventh grade girls — some of whom were bullies and some of whom were the victims of bullies — and ended up handcuffing and arresting all of them, bully and non-bully alike.

Why?

Well, he told them it was to “prove a point” and “make them mature a lot faster” and he didn’t care who was at fault. It wasn’t clear to me, in reading the opinion, what the proven point was supposed to be, but I do get the maturity thing. You might as well learn about prison early to toughen up.

To be honest, I hadn’t heard of this kind of policing before but it’s brilliant. Imagine all the time and effort that can be saved if you don’t worry about who committed the crime. You can just pick random people off the street — crimes solved almost immediately.

Oddly, the courts — both trial and appellate — were not on board with this sort of efficient police work. Said the appeals court: “The arrest of a middle schooler, however, cannot be justified as a scare tactic, a lesson in maturity, or a chastisement for perceived disrespect.”

OK, but what if they’re really annoying?

Middle school students are now free to run amok.

Open until closed. You have to admire writing that’s clear and unambiguous. Like this notice posted on Twitter last week by the State Bar of Georgia:

“ICYMI: The Superior Court of Floyd County seeks qualified candidates for a judicial law clerk. The judicial law clerk will work with the four Superior Court judges of the Rome Judicial Circuit. The position is open until filled.”

No one will be hired if someone else has been hired for the job.

If you’re wondering what the qualifications are for this job — which may or may not ever be filled — there is more detail on the Georgia bar’s website. You have to have made it through law school and at least “sat” for a bar exam. Passing isn’t a must.

The job pays “approximately” $44,616. I’m guessing that’s for a year, but the site isn’t specific. For that you have to do research and writing for four judges and attend court hearings. That may seem like small compensation for a large job, but there’s a fantastic perk: You get to review pro se divorce petitions.

The entertainment value is priceless.

Unanswered questions. My favorite news story of the past week — and probably yours too if you saw it — is the one about the alleged murder victim in Oregon who was found alive, thus saving a guy from serving 50 years in prison.

The defendant had been convicted in April 2017 of sexually abusing a minor. The minor also claimed that the defendant shot and killed her dog. But in a plot twist that would have pleased Perry Mason, the dog was discovered in another Oregon town (presumably living under an assumed name).

I guess that’s a happy ending, but there are things I want to know. Why did this dog flee the crime scene? What did she have to hide? Why hasn’t she been charged with obstruction of justice?

Is she a good girl?

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