Marching Morons

Socialism — whatever it may be — is in the news these days, as a horrible thing. Yet if we — or they — manage to eradicate socialism from American life, millions of people will be unhappy — above all, sports fans. After all, the annual NBA and NFL drafts are prime examples of socialism.

“From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs,” is the way Karl Marx defined socialism in 1875. The professional sports drafts are textbook examples: the weakest teams get the first, best picks, and the successful teams have to wait to get theirs.

It’s a way to level the playing field and keep the game interesting for all of us: Give a hand up to the strugglers, and take a mild step toward preventing the richest of the rich from dominating the game forever.

Classic socialism.

So how come we never hear the NFL and NBA drafts denounced in the halls of Congress, or in Kansas or Texas or Alabama?

It’s because Americans have become marching morons, under the batons of marionettes.

Here are some more socialist programs you won’t hear marionettes denounce: farm subsidies, Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, interstate highways, senior citizen discounts, sidewalks, the existence of public schools, Stop signs, college scholarships, bankruptcy protections, national parks, federal air-traffic controllers, poor people’s hospitals, city parks, tax exemptions for churches — no matter how curious or spurious the church, the right to legal counsel, some form of graduated income tax — even upon the rich, animal shelters and the Sermon on the Mount.

Socialist, all of them. Especially that Sermon on the Mount. Whoever preached that one had it coming to him, if you can believe today’s Republicans. Sounds like a tax-and-spend liberal giving away other people’s money — a bleeding-heart mush-head — just another libtard.

I’m talking now about what the Republican Party does — not what it says.

In 310 words, I’ve named twenty multibillion-dollar socialist programs at the heart of American life. Trillions of dollars have been spent on them and the people they protect: farmers, sports fans, little kids crossing the street. Yet if you can believe the Republican Party and its house organ, Pravda — I’m sorry, I mean Faux News — not a one of these socialist programs is as dangerous — such a peril to the republic — as, for example, Congresswomen Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar or Tulsi Gabbard.

Three young women who could Bring Down the Republic! And they all happen to be smart, articulate, sitting in Congress, and unafraid of old white men.

Where will it all end?

The dangers of socialism — give me a break.

Here’s a socialist fire-breather for you: “Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

“Blessed are ye when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely …

“Whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment …

“If thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.”

Socialism all over that ‘ere Sermon on the Mount.

Who was that guy, anyway?

Some coastal elite trying to tell us how to think, that’s who. Sea of Galilee, sure. More like Martha’s Vineyard, Jesus (Hay-soos.)

(Pause for a few deep breaths while we get our bearings.)

For the next two years we shall assailed by so-called Christians on the campaign trail with even more vicious vituperation against that vilest of all evils: Democrats and socialism. Creeping socialism, it used to be called, and still is, by jackasses with blinders, looking out for No. 1.

The late, great Henry Louis Mencken said that no one ever went broke underestimating the stupidity of the American public.

And that was a time when words had meaning.

When people in positions of great power abuse a word — freedom, God, infidel, socialism, truth — the words suffer no physical pain: no torture, no broken joints, no rape, no nightmares or suicide, no tears, no trembling, no hopelessness. The suffering is invisible, if all you pay attention to is the words.

If you’re convinced — or let other people convince you — that socialism is a horrible thing, please take another gander at “the NFL and NBA drafts … farm subsidies, Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, interstate highways, senior citizen discounts, sidewalks, the existence of public schools …”

You could even look up the meaning of socialism, in a dictionary or encyclopedia, or — god help us — on the internet.

Damned socialists: old people, sick people, farmers, long-haul truck drivers, puppies, families, little children in schools, Stop signs …

Damned infidels … Who will rid us of these meddlesome priests?

Subscribe to our columns

Want new op-eds sent directly to your inbox? Subscribe below!

Email *

Author

Submit