How to collect clients

Those of you weird enough to read this column regularly know that I love professional wrestling — and reality TV, horseracing, sci fi, comedy, musicals, weird lawsuits, dogs, cats, dumb politicians, investment schemes, word games, mysteries, video games …

OK, almost everything as long as it’s silly. But I digress, which is easy to do when I’m so easily distracted. It’s a wonder I have time to write this thing.

Anyhow, back to wrestling. I was stunned last week to get an email promoting a Summer Slam sweepstakes sponsored by a law firm! Two of my favorite things in synergy! (Note: Summer Slam is an annual wrestling event.)

But why?

Why would Morgan & Morgan, a firm that bills itself as “America’s Largest Injury Law Firm,” be offering a grand prize of two tickets to a wrestling show and $2,000?

I don’t know, but I have a theory and reading the small print is so much fun.

To enter the sweepstakes you have to agree with the “Official Rules.” Obviously, no one but me is going to read the rules, so here’s an excerpt:

“USE OF DATA: All information submitted by Entrant will be treated according to Sponsor's privacy policy, available at https://www.forthepeople.com/privacy-policy/. By participating in the Sweepstakes and providing your e-mail address and/or mobile phone number Entrant hereby agrees to Sponsor's collection and usage of their personal information and acknowledges that they have read and accepted Sponsor's Privacy Policy.”

Thousands (if not millions) of entrants, of course, will lie about reading the policy.

I also read the policy (well, most of it). Basically, it says they’ll collect all your data and do whatever they want with it.

And then there’s this in the rules: “By accepting a Prize, where permitted by law,the Winner grants to the Sponsor, its parent, subsidiaries and related companies … the right to print, publish, broadcast and use worldwide IN ALL MEDIA without limitation, in perpetuity, at any time the recipient's full name, portrait, picture, voice, likeness and/or biographical information for advertising, trade and promotional purposes without further payment or additional consideration, and without review, approval or notification.”

That’s worth a remote chance at a couple of show tickets and two grand, right?

OK, I know no one is going to be horribly exploited — who wants to see a wrestling fan IN ALL MEDIA? — but this is a huge data collection grab on a group of clients perfect for a personal injury law firm.

Wrestling sweepstakes entrants are the demographic most likely to be brained by steel chairs, charged with assault, have trouble getting medical insurance, defy authority, and fall through tables.

And now Morgan & Morgan can market the heck out of them.

I can’t decide whether this is a babyface or heel move by the law firm. It’s entertaining either way.

Law firms in other legal areas can learn from this.

Say, for example, you’re looking for criminal defense clients. Your sweepstakes could be for a pair of tickets to an island without an extradition treaty.

If you want corporate clients, offer a chance at a vacation at a tropical tax haven.

If you want divorce clients, dangle a romantic dinner with the most eligible partner at your firm. Somewhere in the small print in your rules note that the winner will be chosen by the partner and photos will be required.

If you want real property/mortgage clients, offer a split level, ranch-style dreamhouse. In the small print in your rules, specify the house is suitable for medium sized dolls.

And if you want bankruptcy clients, the prize is pretty obvious — money. The prize can then be used for legal fees.

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