Meet me at the Stoa

My favorite Stoic is Epictetus, who was born into slavery two thousand years ago. Here is a quote from his Enchiridion, or Handbook: “If anyone tells you that such and such a person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you, but answer: ‘He does not know my other faults, else he would not have mentioned only these.’”

How’d you like to hear that on a stump speech today?

Whether we’d like to hear it or not, the “campaign advisers” wouldn’t permit it.

They’d chloroform their money-hose to prevent it: beat their candidate into submission.

Right up there with Epictetus, in this Stoic’s mind, is Marcus Aurelius, who was — believe it or not — not just a Roman emperor, but a philosopher. He admired Epictetus, who died ten years before Marcus was born. 

Marcus’s Meditations survive — praise god for small favors — though Marcus’s gods were conquered and exiled (deported) by succeeding (in the sense of later in time) emperors.

(Pablo Neruda nailed the succession of humanity’s gods: “There will come ferocious gods with eyeglasses / lice and lickspittles …”)

Here is one of Marcus’s many wise observations, if you wish to lead a happy life: “The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.”

Here’s another one, which I wish all members of our school boards and state legislatures and Congress, all the way down to the White House, would bear in mind: “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

Why do I bring this up, in an election year? Well, far too many of our politicians — particularly in a major party whose name I omit, due to my decent respect for the incapacities of the willfully disabled — far too many of them, I say, pretend to be enraged by stuff that would not, should not bother a Stoic.

Our call line is open.

First questioner: Bob, what is this “stuff” you mention?

Bob: In a word, bullshit. This week’s party-line bullshit involved Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce.

It seems that many members of the Willfully Disabled Party claim to believe that the celebrated romance between a lovely pop star and a handsome football hero is actually a nefarious plot of the Deep State. Fox News actually warned Taylor Swift this week to “stay out of politics.”

In today’s Willfully Disabled right-wing politics, this is tantamount to a death threat.

For what?

For being popular, and for being a woman.

Well, listen to me, Willfully Disabled Party Members: Do y’all want to be human, or do y’all want to be robots?

I know, y’all little male darlings, packing your guns: You don’t want to be bossed around by anyone.

You’d rather follow someone around.

Guns in your hands.

Shooting at what?

Anything, apparently. Little kids.

Take it from me, boys and girls — all you Willfully Disabled Party Members — if you really want to live a happy life, and not just blame others for your misery, y’all might want to pay heed to these 188 words in Epictetus’s Handbook. It’s out of copyright so I can post it for free. This was way before Steamboat Willie.

There are things which are within our power, and there are things which are beyond our power. Within our power are opinion, aim, desire, aversion, and, in one word, whatever affairs are our own. Beyond our power are body, property, reputation, office, and, in one word, whatever are not properly our own affairs. Now, the things within our power are by nature free, unrestricted, unhindered; but those beyond our power are weak, dependent, restricted, alien. Remember, then, that if you attribute freedom to things by nature dependent, and take what belongs to others for your own, you will be hindered, you will lament, you will be disturbed, you will find fault both with gods and men. But if you take for your own only that which is your own, and view what belongs to others just as it really is, then no one will ever compel you, no one will restrict you, you will find fault with no one, you will accuse no one, you will do nothing against your will; no one will hurt you, you will not have an enemy, nor will you suffer any harm.

You don’t believe it? Fine. I guess your only resort, then, is to keep worrying about other people’s behavior: something you’ll never understand and never have any control over. And shouldn't.

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