A romantic judge

Why would you bring a dog to a baseball game? Are dogs baseball fans? Wouldn’t there be extra outfielders chasing balls?

I bring this up in light of an unusual ruling by a judge in Kentucky that got a small bit of publicity recently. The judge had a pretty routine uncontested divorce in front of her. The husband and wife were nice and respectful to each other and had worked out how to take care of their children.

What could possibly go wrong?

Apparently, nothing and that was the problem. The judge decided that since the couple was getting along so well, she couldn’t grant the divorce. They had to go back to counseling again.

I assume the couple will only get what they want if they stop being nice to each other.

In the future, local Kentucky lawyers practicing in that court will have to advise divorcing clients to scream at each other in front of the judge.

I guess the judge was trying to be caring or romantic or something. I can accept that. But rejecting the divorce wasn’t the oddest thing in her ruling. There was also this that got no news attention: “(T)he Court suggests the parties explore on-line resources in addition to traditional counseling resources.”

The internet provides great advice for everything else. Marriage-fixing should be there somewhere. There are probably some fascinating conspiracy theories about marriage too.

Note to the divorcing couple: If you’re exploring on-line and find this column, my advice is keep exploring and find a no-fault divorce state.

What does all this have to with dogs? Absolutely nothing. But when you’re looking at news stories about divorce in Kentucky, it’s impossible to ignore a link to another local story with the headline: “Fans encouraged to bring pets to ‘Dog Day at the Park’ for Louisville Bats game.”

I’m picturing so many wonderful scenarios. Will dogs rooting for the visiting team get into fights with local dogs? Will hot dog stands be safe?

My favorite part of this is that the dogs had to have tickets for the game and they were required to provide proof of vaccination.

I assume most of them wore masks.

Reality? There are times when I look at a press release and I think I’m hallucinating. Sometimes I think hallucination is the point of the press release.

I direct you now to a recent press release — one that was actually publicly released — in which a company called Blue Sun Mycology Group announced it has applied for patents on a “scientific method of creating novel interspecific (species x species) or intergeneric (genus x genus) psychoactive species of fungi through sexual hybridization.”

Yep. Sex and drugs in one patent.

Do you think someone ran this past a lawyer? Could this possibly be legal? Maybe the company wanted to write the first draft of its own indictment.

There’s much more in the press release. We also learn that Blue Sun is “harvesting a small crop of LSD and DMT infused psilocybin mushrooms,” that they’re working on a way to grow infused plants “in the vacuum of space,” and that a subsidiary of Blue Sun offers “a full line of clothing and merchandise.”

You want to be dressed appropriately for your next mind trip.

I was pretty sure this was a hoax or maybe the product of an acid trip. After all, the links to company websites in the press release didn’t work (at least as of this writing). But, as a dogged journalist sitting at a computer, I kept on digging and discovered Meet Delic, “the year’s biggest psychedelic event” scheduled for November in Las Vegas.

Blue Sun claims to be co-sponsoring the event, which, according to its website, “is a ONCE in a lifetime opportunity to introduce yourself to the world of psychedelic wellness” that will also have “the best vendor village offered at any psychedelic conference.”

How many DEA agents per capita do you think showed up?

My mind is blown and I haven’t taken anything.

Honest.

Stop the presses! Someone hasn’t been keeping up with the news. This appeared on Twitter last week: