Conspire!

Super Bowl Sunday was a day of extreme disappointment for a lot of people.

I’m not talking about San Francisco fans. I guess they were disappointed too, but that was only about a football game. They’ll get over it (I think).

The real disappointment came for hard core political fans.

Conspiracy theorists and people making stuff up on Fox News were disappointed they were wrong — Taylor Swift did not run out onto the field and endorse Joe Biden.

The left extreme was disappointed too — Taylor Swift did not run out onto the field and endorse Joe Biden (or someone left-er).

The rest of us think weird conspiracy theories are silly and annoying.

But are they?

Yeah, the plots aren’t real, but they could be. If a substantial portion of the population can’t be convinced you’re not putting microchips in vaccines or programming an android called Taylor to hypnotize the masses, why not do those things?

As it is now, sane people in politics are like innocent people accused of crimes. They get punished without the benefit of enjoying stolen loot.

The subjects of conspiracy theories might as well conspire. It may be the only way to get good people elected.

The key is originality. If you do the plots that the QAnons make up, all you do is confirm their biases. We need new evil conspiracies to take over the world by stealth.

I have a few suggestions.

Put the microchips in beer. The Qs are avoiding vaccines, so you won’t get them that way. But they’re not going to suspect their beverage of choice.

Target beer makers who run commercials with horses, cowboys and/or sports watching.

Make children work for you. Don’t molest them — that’s too obvious. Instead, use their talents to take over the internet.

Imagine the wave of likes for TikTok Dancing Dark Brandon.

Quietly introduce legislation requiring abortions for everyone whether they’re pregnant or not.

Buy lots of guns and ship them to undisclosed locations near universities and minority neighborhoods. Then start running commercials in favor of the Second Amendment.

Sponsor an affirmative action Victoria’s Secret runway show for M&Ms of all colors.

Conspiracy theorist heads will explode.

Freedom or suppression? Does the government get to have free speech? Have you heard that there are people opposed to vaccinations?

Those were only a couple of questions that came to mind when I read a ruling from one of those predictable Trump-appointed right-wing go-to federal judges in Louisiana that got surprisingly little (if any) news coverage.

The judge, Terry Doughty, found that a group of plaintiffs including presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. “produced evidence of a massive effort by defendants, from the White House to federal agencies, to suppress speech based on its content.”

Government officials, according to the ruling, “jointly participated” in this suppression with social media companies by “insinuating” themselves into social media company private affairs.

So that’s why we’ve never heard anything bad about vaccines on the Internet.

Embarrassment or modesty? I just finished binge-watching the last season of “Survivor.” Stop reading here if you don’t want a spoiler.

There were three lawyer contestants. All three of them lied about their jobs.

Make of that what you will.

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