Tweet to Live

     You might think that the nation’s largest law firms are on the cutting edge of technology and social media.
     I’ve done some research (strange as that may seem) and it appears that Big Law is behind the times. If they’re laying off associates and cutting back on spa getaways, it may not be because of the economy.
     It may be lack of social hipness.
     I’m talking Twitter.
     There’s a lot of potential legal business in the Twitterverse, but big firms are not tapping into it.
     Here’s a list of the 10 largest U.S. law firms and their number of Twitter followers (as of the other day when I looked them up):
     Baker & McKenzie: 399
     DLA Piper: 11,714
     Jones Day: 2,347
     Hogan Lovells: 2,138
     Latham & Watkins: 3,622
     White & Case: 2,860
     Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom: 4,056
     K&L Gates: 1,088
     Greenberg Traurig: 3,279
     Sidley Austin: 16 (a separate Sidley “newsroom” has 534)
     Now compare that to, say, Carrot Top. He’s got 43,746 followers.
     Pee Wee Herman has 1,508,476.
     These are people with something to say.
     Law firms’ performance here is pathetic. Half of the law firms have more lawyers than Twitter followers.
     I’m picturing some lowly associate at each firm being ordered to set up a Twitter account because a partner heard that the young people are Twittering these days. It sounded cool.
     Well, big law firms, you’re not cool. You’re BORING! And you don’t know how to attract followers.
     Here’s a sample June 3 tweet from Baker & McKenzie: “Champion REIT acquires four floors of @Citibank Tower in #HongKong
     The last time I looked, there were no replies or retweets.
     (For some reason, I keep picturing troops running from a battlefield when I see the word “retweet.”)
     This is an area where a Continuing Legal Education class could help. Lawyers ought to get credit for Internet education.
     Fortunately for you, I have some suggestions you can use before you get to those classes.
     First off, the most important thing is to put the right person in charge of tweeting. This should be a teenager – preferably one who’d rather be texting than paying attention in class.
     You learn by doing.
     Your firm will be performing an important social service by keeping this teenager off the highways.
     Next, follow everyone and send messages to everyone. People you follow will usually follow you back, if for no other reason than to try to figure out why you’re following them. Think of it as stalking and counter-stalking.
     Finally, have your teenager tweet messages constantly using trendy hashtags. Throw in random celebrity names to increase the impact.
     Remember, you don’t need to make any sense to be noticed.
     On June 5, Sarah Silverman tweeted: “My sink water smells like eggs.”
     She has 4,418,399 followers.
     You can learn from this woman.
     Tired of Sex? Now that gay people are getting equal rights in a lot of places, you might have thought the civil rights of everyone have at last been addressed.
     But there may be a group you hadn’t considered.
     Fortunately, a court in Australia has struck another blow for equality. This is from an Australian news report :
     “People who do not identify as male or female have achieved formal legal recognition in Australia for the first time, after the NSW Court of Appeal overturned a ruling that everyone must be listed as a man or a woman with the Registry of Births Deaths and Marriages.”
     You can now be “neuter” in Australia.
     If you’re tired of sex, now you have a country that will accept you.

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