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Real Solutions

Feeling frustrated?

Do you constantly wonder why politicians and social crusaders never get anything done?

Well, maybe, just maybe, we're not trying hard enough. How can we know if a strategy is going to work if we don't get serious about it?

Namby-pamby is never going to work.

We need to get serious.

To wit:

Tax-cutting. It seems as if all you hear from Tea Partiers and Republicans is that cutting taxes will save the economy and bring wealth to the government.

But they're not serious about it.

If tax cuts bring in more taxes, it should be obvious what we really need to do: eliminate taxes completely.

It's the ultimate tax shelter. Many of the rich take advantage of it now. Why shouldn't it extend to everyone?

The economy will soar and the government will be awash in money that it hasn't collected.

It's only logical.

Shrinking government. Why reduce the size of government when you can eliminate government completely?

After all, shouldn't the free market solve all our problems?

Say you need someone to defend you from an attack by an invading army. In a true free market, all you have to do is pick up the phone (or the computer) and purchase defense services from one of any number of competitive mercenary enterprises.

Need the road paved in front of your house? Call a contractor and get it done as soon as someone feels like coming out to do it.

You could be the only one on your block with a smooth traveling surface.

Real regulation. No matter how many laws you pass, people in business are going to figure out ways to get around the rules. That's what they're trained for in business school.

The only effective way to regulate Wall Street is to use a Nanny Corps. Every enterprise with more than three employees must be overseen by a government employee equipped with a ruler that can smack fingers if anyone is seen mistreating a consumer.

Nanny Corps members, naturally, will be subject to regular visits from General Accounting Office overseers who, in turn, will be monitored by satellite video surveillance.

Saving Social Security. With all the hand-wringing and debate over Social Security, you'd think this was a difficult problem.

It's not.

All we have to do is take advantage of one of the country's most plentiful resources: illegal immigrants.

Any Ponzi scheme needs fresh investors to keep it going and immigrants paying Social Security taxes should keep our old people happy for many years.

We just need to make sure there are more immigrants than retirees at all times. If Mexico runs out, we can offer transport from any number of African countries.

Illegal immigration. We have two alternatives when it comes to immigration - either let everyone in to do all those jobs that would have been sent to Asia otherwise or keep everyone out to protect the Asians.

The first choice is pretty easy. Just don't worry about immigrants.

The second presents some logistical problems. Force-field technology probably isn't advanced enough to bar entry to the country. Fences don't work - they can be broken or climbed.

What's needed is water.

Think about it. Do we have illegals pouring in from England or Hawaii?

We have nice barrier oceans to the east and west. Now we need them on the north and south.

A giant canal along both borders should do the trick. We create jobs building the ditches and, when it's done, trade between San Diego and Tallahassee will become practical.

Stock the canals with fish - either trout or piranha - and illegals won't even be tempted to cross.

Write your legislators, but don't expect them to do anything.


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