Male Drive Comes Out

     You probably thought this year’s political campaigns couldn’t getter any weirder.
     You’re wrong.
     I bring you the case of Jeffrey D. Moffatt, a lawyer and Trump-supporting California Republican congressional candidate who’s just been disbarred in Arizona.
     “I’m being taken down for asking an out-of-state chick for a nude over Facebook three years ago,” he told a reporter for the Santa Clarita Valley Signal. “I happen to have a male drive that on occasion will come out.”
     OK. Could happen to anyone. Who wouldn’t expect a Trump supporter to have a male drive that comes out?
     Of course, there may be a few other things to consider, for instance, the delightfully entertaining ruling from the Arizona Supreme Court ordering the disbarment.
     It’s 22 pages long and I highly recommend it.
     It seems that Moffatt told a would-be client that a nude photo could be used instead of money as part of his fee. The photo didn’t even have to be of the client — a “surrogate” would do.
     Apparently, this guy is unfamiliar with most of the Internet.
     There’s also a line about “physical attention.”
     Maybe he wanted to be cuddled.
     For some reason, the non-client then complained to the Arizona Bar.
     And that’s not the best part. The best parts are the descriptions of Moffatt’s arguments against being sanctioned.
     Here are a couple of my favorite passages from the ruling, commenting upon some of Moffatt’s 38 “affirmative defenses”:
     “In his answer, he denied all allegations, including the allegation that he was an attorney.”
     “Those requests widely varied, had little relevance and included such requests as ‘Admit nudity is legal in Arizona,’ … and ‘Admit it is now legal in at least one European country to barter sex for driving instructions, assuming it was the driving instructor that suggested the barter.'”
     Moffatt, according to the court, also claimed that even though he failed the California Bar exam, he really passed it because it should have been graded differently.
     So he’s a member of California Bar but the Bar doesn’t know it — and even though he applied for admission 106 times.
     The Bar, though, could have found out by looking at Moffatt’s campaign website, where it says: “As an attorney, I fight for my clients and I will fight for you in Congress.”
     The website, by the way, is almost as entertaining as the Arizona ruling.
     Now here’s a question for you: What do George Clooney and Jeffrey Moffat have in common?
     The question is on the website. See if you can find the answer. I won’t give it away.
     So what’s the takeaway from all this?
     It seems pretty obvious to me: We’ve found a prime candidate for that VP spot on the Trump ticket.
     Legal tender. I should note here that bartering with clients isn’t a bad idea. After all, not every client has the means to pay you with money, so alternatives make sense.
     Nude pictures are a devalued currency in the glutted porn market, and I can’t recommend hugs either, because after all, the client benefits from the hug just as much as the attorney.
     Trading services is a good option. Plumber clients can fix your drains, chef clients can cook lunches for your office, and prostitute clients can set up sting operations for rival law firms.
     Clients can also pay you back with promotional services. If you can get your firm name tattooed on enough clients’ foreheads, people are going to notice.
     Or you can sleep on the client’s couch and watch the client’s TV.
     Not spending money on rent and cable is just as good as being paid and spending the money on rent and cable.

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