Internet Marketing

     There’s a lot of help on the Internet, but sometimes it just doesn’t seem all that helpful.
     I spotted something called “7 Steps to Create a Lead-Generating Website [INFOGRAPHIC]” on The National Law Forum website the other day and somehow didn’t feel enlightened.
     To begin with, I was kind of mystified by the all-caps INFOGRAPHIC. I didn’t know why I needed to know this in all caps, and, at first, I wasn’t sure it was a real word. Then I looked it up on Wikipedia. This is what it said:
     “Information graphics or infographics are graphic visual representations of information, data or knowledge intended to present complex information quickly and clearly.”
     Complex information, eh?
     Cool. These were going to be technical, detailed how-to tips for Internet lawyer rainmaking.
     No. They weren’t. The first tip was “optimize your website for conversations.” This included posting a phone number.
     I guess there were graphics. That first tip was accompanied by a stylized megaphone.
     Maybe the advice is to be mysterious and symbolic.
     Be that as it may, I felt that the presenter of these helpful hints, something called The Rainmaker Institute, may have missed a few essential recommendations for lawyer-website marketing.
     Fortunately, I’m here to fill in the recommendation gap. Here a few ways to attract visitors to your law firm website and/or entice those visitors to hire you.
     
     Change the name of your firm.
     
Remember, the key to Internet success is search-engine recognition. When a potential client types in a key word, you want your firm’s name to come up on top.
     Don’t be afraid of the obvious. The firm of Lawyer, Lawyer, Lawyer & Lawyer is going to do very well.
     If that’s taken, don’t be afraid of interesting and descriptive names. If web surfers just click on them out of curiosity or amusement, that ups your view count and shoots you up the search-engine rankings.
     Some names you might want to try: Lords of Darkness; Destroyers of Hope; The Legion of Super Negotiators; MacDonald’s.
     (Note: Only use that last one if you have someone named MacDonald in your firm. You need to be able to act surprised if anyone threatens to sue.)
     If those sort of names seem too radical for you and you don’t want to confuse current clients with too much of a name change, you should at least add a word (or “partner”) or two to the firm name you have now to attract search engines.
     Examples:
     Gibson, Dunn, Crutcher and Sex.
     Butcher, Baker, McKenzie, Candlestick Maker.
     K&L Heaven’s Gates.
     O’Melveny & Obamacare.
     Bridget Jones Day
     Hulk Hogan Heroes Lovell
     Mayer Bloomberg Brown
     
     Cat videos.
     
If you want clients to spend time on your website, there’s no better enticement than a good selection of cat videos.
     But not just any cat videos. Your cat videos need to stand out and sell your firm’s services.
     I recommend staging and filming a mock trial complete with a Persian in a black robe behind a bench and a couple of tabbies meowing at each other in front of the judge. You could throw in a bulldog as the accused.
     Be sure to add photos of your firm partners holding kitties to your site. If you want to attract wealth clients, be sure to have at least one partner striking an intense pose while stroking a large white cat.
     And let potential clients know there will be cats available in your office for emotional support.

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