Eat the Internet

     A strange thing happened on the way to this week’s column — I noticed an odd thing about the internet article I was going to write about.
     Noticing wasn’t strange, but what I saw struck me as odd. Maybe it shouldn’t have, but I felt deceived.
     It all started when I spotted an item in my Twitter feed on July 10 from that said: “Law School Do-Over: 7 Things I’d Do Different.”
     OK, I thought. That might be interesting.
     I clicked on the link to the article and I read it. There were things I wanted to say about what I read and I will say them in a moment.
     But first see if you can spot the oddity. I didn’t see it at first either.
     Stop reading this and see if you can figure it out.
     Did you see it?
     Yep. The tweet from 7/10/16 linked to an article posted on 4/22/13.
     Did they just get around to promoting it?
     Did they write the tweet three years ago and forget to post it?
     Was there a time machine involved?
     Did the author fall into a coma and just recently revive?
     I don’t know the answers to these questions, but it made me reflect on the nature of the internet.
     We old guys tend to think that electronic writing is less permanent than writing on paper or stone tablets. Computer writing can disappear quickly but it can also last a very long time.
     Just like paper and stone tablets.
     And unless someone tells you — or you can do something sciency — you can’t tell how old the writing is.
     So you might as well tweet about old stuff. It looks very much like new stuff.
     But I digress (badly). What I wanted to write about this week (is it really this week?) is things you should have done differently in, or instead of, law school.
     The Lawyerist writer’s list seems a little unimaginative to me. Basically, his advice boils down to: “Don’t be a conceited prick.”
     I’m not sure how this advice helps anyone. After all, if you can’t be a conceited prick in law school, when can you? You might as well get it out of your system.
     I can think of a lot of other things I (and you) should have done during law school years that would have made a real difference years ago.
     For example: Buy Apple stock.
     Compare and contrast: Four years of law school and a mountain of student loan debt versus using that loan money for Apple shares and getting out of debt quickly and retiring.
     Or study computer programming (before everyone else did) instead of law.
     I realize this advice doesn’t help current or prospective law students, but the concept is sound. You need to realistically assess the future.
     I suggest investing in organ-replacement startups and skin farming.
     Or filing a land claim on Mars.
     Or train yourself in the new field of augmented brain programming.
     You will thank me for this advice, and you’re welcome.
     Modern life. Of course, one of the best things about the internet is the instant access to innovative products and methods of communication.
     This is from a complaint filed last week in Los Angeles Superior Court (BC626949):
     “In December 2015, Plaintiff received an anonymous delivery from the website, consisting of a bag of gummy candies in the shape of penises, along with a typed note stating ‘EAT A BAG OF DICKS.’ The website describes its product offering as follows: ‘This bag of gummy penises is a great way to tell your friends, family, loved ones, or enemies to ‘EAT A BAG OF DICKS.'”
     And you thought romance was dead.
     The great part about this is that this versatile gift works for both friends and enemies. The inherent quality of dicks is in the eye of the beholder.
     It’s terrific marketing — a product that works for everyone in some way.
     Not necessarily in a good way, but some way.
     Hmm … this candy company might be another sweet investment alternative to law school.

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