Craziness

     That woman is crazy.
     – A court employee that I won’t name
     
     I don’t want to get anyone in trouble so I’m not naming names, but the quote above was generated last week after I asked for a copy of a complaint against Disney and a collection of defendants that included Hugh Laurie, Halle Berry, George Lopez and Eva Longoria.
     It’s kind of hard to imagine that particular group of people ganging up on some poor woman, so I had to see what the suit said. As it turned out, they hadn’t done anything to the plaintiff.
     She just wanted to give them jobs.
     The relief the suit seeks is that Disney be ordered to read the plaintiff’s script for a mini-series about a Civil War romance – that would star the other defendants. According to the complaint, Hugh Laurie, in particular, needed the work because otherwise he might turn to alcohol and drug abuse since his TV series was being canceled.
     You may be thinking that’s crazy.
     You’d be right in thinking that’s crazy.
     But here’s the really crazy part: some poor judge and probably several lawyers are going to have spend time and money on this and it’s not an isolated incident.
     There’s craziness everywhere – and it comes in varying degrees so sometimes it’s not entirely clear that what’s happening is crazy.
     Another example from this past week: something called EveryMD filed a federal suit against Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich. This very website brought you an account of the complaint.
     It’s crazy.
     EveryMD claimed that it owns a patent used by Facebook that provides home pages for members and lets people get information, submit comments and send messages to the members.
     Sounds suspiciously like everything Facebook does.
     But the suit isn’t against Facebook (which it sued a couple of years ago) – it’s against three hapless Republican presidential candidates and a thousand Does. Apparently they couldn’t find anyone else with a home page.
     I direct you now to the websites of both EveryMD and the law firm that filed the suit: Techcoastlaw.com.
     The doctor site is, um, well, sparse. Type in your doctor’s name to see what I mean. Even if your doctor is there, about all you’ll get is an address and phone number.
     The lawyer site is even more impressive. Apparently the firm does “cutting edge Internet law.”
     Can you spot the irony?
     Yep. There’s nothing on the website except a few printed lines. The edge seems to have been cut.
     I’m not saying these people don’t have a case. It’s entirely possible they did come up with the basis for Facebook and the use that Republicans have for it, but it’s also possible that this is crazy.
     So I have a suggestion: Crazy Court.
     Think of it like mandatory arbitration in family law courts. Courts should hire a psychiatrist or a really normal person to make an initial determination of whether or not a filed complaint may be crazy.
     The plaintiff and or the filing attorney will then be required to present the theory of his or her case to a late-night talk show audience.
     If no one laughs or bangs a head against the seat in front of them, the case can proceed in regular court.
     Courts will be relieved of untold amounts of aggravation.
     And Crazy Court can be televised and commercially-sponsored to raise much-needed revenue.
     You’ll thank me for this idea.

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