If, like me, you’re a fan of professional wrestling, you know that facts and logic aren’t all that important. Neither is consistency. Wrestling is a reflection of life and life can make very little sense.
So it shouldn’t be surprising that litigation over wrestling can be just as fictionalized and hyperbolic. If you want a wonderful example, take a look at a ruling last week from a federal judge in Connecticut who, for some reason, didn’t appreciate the surreal world view of a lawyer representing a bunch of wrestlers.
In fact, the judge was so annoyed that she not only sanctioned the attorney but also ordered that her ruling be sent to all the lawyer’s clients.
The best part of the 40-page ruling is where the judge notes that one reason for some of the nonsensical allegations was that the plaintiffs’ lawyer decided to plagiarize a complaint filed against the National Football League.
“These allegations included, for example, the name NFL rather than WWE, the assertion that ‘wrestler’ Mike Webster ‘sustained repeated and disabling head impacts while a player for the Steelers,’ despite the facts that Mr. Webster was a football player, not a wrestler, and that the Steelers are an NFL team unaffiliated with the WWE.”
Maybe the plaintiff’s concussion made him think he was a player for the Steelers.
One of the lawsuits also claimed that some of the plaintiffs were dead when they weren’t. Fans of the Undertaker and the Lake of Reincarnation will appreciate this.
If this lawyer loses his clients, he may have a future in pro wrestling.
New professions? There are always new things to learn in litigation. Last week, for example, I learned that dogs can be repossessed. That means, I guess, there are actually people who have jobs grabbing pets who haven’t been paid for.
I learned about this because a lawsuit was filed in New Jersey by the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals on behalf of a couple who claimed they thought they were buying a golden retriever in installments but then found out they were only leasing it.
At the end of the lease, the dog would get taken back if the couple didn’t make another payment.
That’s definitely not right, but there’s an interesting concept here that some entrepreneur should pick up on — pet leasing.
Say your spouse or insignificant other has to go away on business for a week or two. Wouldn’t it be great to be able to lease a beagle or an iguana to keep you company?
For you lonely business types on the road who have a few extra bucks to spend, imagine a nice furry bed companion. The pets at home never need to know (as long as you’re careful about erasing records on your phone and using a lint roller on your jammies).
And imagine what you could do with the right leased character animals during holidays or at parties. The company that comes up with the best-looking horn for horse noses is going to make a fortune.