Who you calling a hypocrite?

Bear with me a moment while I explain how Lao-Tzu and his followers can illuminate this year’s presidential election.

Lao-Tzu has been dead for 2,500 years and has no horse in this race. He declined to endorse his own emperor — and Lao-Tzu was on the payroll!

Lao-Tzu (ca. 571-500 B.C.) was keeper of records at the royal court of the Zhou dynasty (ca. 1046-256 B.C. — the longest reign in Chinese history, in fact, probably the longest reign of any nation’s history.)

But Lao-Tzu resigned his office and exiled himself from China because of its political corruption.

When Confucius sought counsel from the exile, Lao-Tzu upbraided him for his pride and his lust for power. That shook up Confucius more than somewhat.

In exile, Lao-Tzu founded Taoism and wrote the Tao Te Ching, which has influenced virtually all of the Earth’s religions, including — especially — Christianity, for 2,500 years. Many of Lao-Tzu’s precepts were echoed 500 years later by a young fellow from Nazareth.

Let’s look at the three principles of Taoism and see how they influenced the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew: 5-7), and how we might apply them in the voting booth this year.

The Taoist principles can be summed up in three words, whereas the beautiful poetry of the Sermon on the Mount goes on and on: 2,400 words and more — about the length of a modern short story.

And we’re not talking about poetry or fiction here; we’re talking about politics.

The three principles of Taoism are compassion, moderation and humility.

How do you think that would that do as a political slogan, in the Year of Our Lord 2024?

Compassion?

Moderation?

Humility?

As a campaign slogan?

Get the fuckoutahere.

It hardly can have escaped anyone’s notice that one candidate for Leader of the Free World has been pounding hard on his Christian base, urging them to vote biblically.

Vote biblically? Pray openly? Like a hypocrite?

“And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men.” (Matthew 6-5.)

And speaking of the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5), have you heard any of this on the stump this year?

“Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them …”

New Modern Version: Or give them insulting nicknames. Insult them repeatedly. Lie about them. Lie about yourself. Be angry at them, or pretend to be angry. Curse them.

“But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment … [and] whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.”

Unless you can stall it until after the election. The Southern District of Florida might be a good place to start.

And speaking of judgments: “Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison.”

Or hire some high-powered lawyers, and wait it out, then stiff them for their fees.

“And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee …”

Unless the half-blind cripple might offer you a Cabinet position.

“And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also.”

Then sue him for the cloak. And deny it was ever yours. And insult him for his stupid clothes.

“Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you …”

As if that’s gonna get you elected, moron. Better we should stir up more unhappy Christians.

And always forget: “Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” Then pile on more evil bullshit, in time for the next news cycle.

We return to Lao-Tzu: “Regard your neighbor's gain as your gain, and your neighbor's loss as your own loss. Recompense injury with kindness, for kindness promotes justice. So long as you seek justice by punishment, you will only cause more suffering.”

But we’ve got a campaign to run here, buster.

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Requiescat in pace, y’all.

And tell me, how can y’all requiescat at all, Christians?

(Quotations and spelling from the King James Version of the Holy Bible.)

(For the record, King James was bisexual. You could look it up.)

Categories / Op-Ed