What would Voltaire do?

The list, compiled by a group called Media Lab Index, which did not respond to inquiries, ranked states in three categories: prisoners per 100,000 state population; crimes per 100,000 population; and average sentence length.

It assigned each state a score, “so that the highest-scoring state [in each category] received a value of 100, with all others adjusted proportionally.”

The Top 10 criminally ravaged states, in this order, are Mississippi, Louisiana, Arkansas, Montana, Georgia, Michigan, Oklahoma, Texas, Missouri and Nevada. Details follow.

Of these 10 suffering, crime-ravaged states, nine have Republican governors; 14 of their 20 U.S. senators are Republican; and these war zones are represented in the House of Representatives by 66 Republicans and 31 Democrats.

Arm the National Guard and send them to Mississippi, Louisiana and Arkansas!

Helena, Montana is a war zone!

Oklahoma City and Little Rock are in flames!

(Or possibly not.)

(Can you imagine what would happen if Der Fűhrer sent the National Guard into Mississippi, Louisiana and Arkansas?)

Eighty-nine of these 10 most-suffering states’ 127 most powerful lawmakers — 70% — are Republicans: nine Republican governors to one Democrat; 14 Republican U.S. senators to six Democrats; and 66 Republican congressmen to 31 Democrats.

Mississippi, which leads the list of States in Shameful Flames with a perfectly abominable score of 100, has a Republican governor, two Republican senators, three Republican congressmen and a single Democratic congressman.

Coming in at number two, Louisiana has a Republican governor, two Republican senators, and four Republican congressmen, to two Democrats, for a lurid overall score of 95.

But fear not, Ragin’ Cajuns: Your score of 3,155 crimes per 100,000 people is 70% higher than your pitiful brother-in-arms Mississippi.

Keep trying, Louisiana! Walk around New Orleans with your political donations proudly pinned to your red MAGA hat. Then see what you get for it.

And by the way, our four cities with the highest murder rates — Jackson, Miss.; Birmingham, Ala.; St. Louis, Mo.; and Memphis, Tenn. — are all in Republican-led states.

Now, before we proceed further down this List of Shame and Horror, let me say, as Richard Nixon did: “Let me make one thing perfectly clear.”

I did not rely on Medialabindex to compile this List of Horrifying States by their lawmakers’ political party. No, I looked it up myself, in the good old-fashioned slipper-leather and bathrobe way, on Wikipedia: a handy source that has come under pathetic, not-really-withering attacks from Republicans, who accuse it of having a liberal bias.

Right. Just like math.

Here let me address any Republican readers who are still with us.

Do I mean to say that living in a Republican state is more dangerous to one’s personal safety than living in a Democratic state?

I don’t know.

Do I mean to say that Republican lawmakers have no idea about or interest in addressing the causes of crime, and remedies for it, other than protecting billionaires and cutting off food stamps for poor people?

Yeah, I guess I mean that. Thanks for asking.

But I am not saying I can draw any Grand Conclusions from a few facts — unlike the president of the United States, who makes up bullshit with no facts at all, and blames “radical leftists” and “Marxist Democrats” for it.

Nor shall I send heavily armed troops of copy editors into the White House, or the Fox News room, to “correct the record.”

But I would like to see a reporter still allowed into the White House to ask little Donnie and his Obedient Barbie and Ken Dolls to explain Karl Marx’s theory of capitalism.

“Could you do that in a few sentences? No? Then how about Thorsten Veblen?”

That would be a hoot.

Nor am I trying to pass off simple addition and subtraction to grind my bootheel into your neck, and press your face farther into the mud than it was during the last campaign commercial inflicted upon you during the playoffs. I’m just telling you what it looks like from here, in Casa Roberto.

(Casa Roberto accepts no political donations, except in TrumpCoins, preferably with videos attached.)

Here is the rundown of who’s in charge of our four most crime-ridden states. Numbers are reported in Arabic numerals: Do you know why that is?

(Hint: It’s not a leftist plot.)

Mississippi : 1 Republican governor, 2 Republican U.S. senators, 3 Republican congressmen, 1 Democrat in the House

Louisiana : 1 Republican governor, 2 Republican senators, 4 Republican congressmen, 2 Democrats in the House

Arkansas : 1 Republican governor, 2 Republican senators, 4 Republican congressmen, no Democrats in the House

Montana : 1 Republican governor, 2 Republican senators, 2 Republican congressmen, no Democrats in the House

I could go on, but I don’t wanna.

Unlike the unelected bootlickers assigned to run our country today, I am not going beyond the facts I uncovered in broad daylight, in my bathrobe.

And allow me to quote Voltaire, who said: “If you wish to converse with me, define your terms.”

Marxism?

Fascism?

Freedom?

Define your terms.