What is the world speed record for goose-stepping?

It’s common knowledge that in his first term, the Big Schlumpf wanted to sit smiling and enthroned over a giant military parade through Washington on his birthday, but was dissuaded by the occasional adviser who then had a spine, because the tanks would tear up the pavement on Pennsylvania Avenue — where Schlumpf was literally renting a house — and that the street repairs would increase the estimated $92 million cost of the parade, plus another $21 million for public safety, plus the cost of cleaning up the detritus.

Well, Our Glorious Leader’s Street Parade is on again: Bigger and Worse than Ever!

According to the Washington City Paper, Schlumpf means to do it this year, on his birthday, June 14, which happens to be, by a gruesome coincidence, Flag Day.

To quote the great American Dave Barry, I am not making this up.

The $92 million costs of the scotched parade surely have mounted to $100 million by now, what with tariffs on the tanks, plus the $21 million for protecting awed citizens along the 4-mile-long military masturbation, from the Pentagon to our Bundestag und  Weiss Haus .

Nor does it account for the cost and annoyance of closing rights of way and public transportation into the District of Columbia, to allow Trump to pleasure himself publicly, while he celebrates war.

So, rounding for errors, the Great Leader’s circle jerk will cost us $120 million in taxes.

Now, as Herr Schlumpf and his Unterleuten  “slash costs of government spending,” let’s take a closer look at what this mindless military circle jerk will cost us.

The median salary of a federal civilian employee is $82,574. Pretty good, I’d say. More than I ever made as a scribbler.

So the cost of Dear Leader’s Military Parade would pay a year’s salary for 1,453 (fired) civil service workers.

And as the average U.S. family today has 3.15 people (man girl child), that means Herr Schlumpf’s Giant Self-Stroking wanger amounts to goose-stepping on the faces of 4,577 U.S. citizens, one-third of them children and babies.

The putative “reason” for this is to “increase efficiency” and “reduce government waste.”

Rough translation: These 1,453 fired civil servants, and their wives, husbands and babies, were leeches upon the body politic.

But how, exactly, will throwing them onto welfare, unemployment insurance and Social Security “solve” that?

And while we’re on the subject, Elon Musk and his companies have received $38 billion in federal contracts, or, as the Fűhrer  and his Ubersturmfűhrer  would say, “government handouts.”

That makes Musk the biggest Welfare Queen of all time.

To return to our beginning, what is the reason for this insane expenditure of federal money on a military parade for a deluded egomaniac?

You know what the reason is as well as I do.

It’s to flatter one man’s ego.

Like they do in Russia. And North Korea.

Where no one has the guts to stop it.