Veep Options

Here’s another activity for those of you stuck at home and bored. Joe Biden has announced he’ll pick a woman as his running mate, so it’s time to engage in one of my favorite every-four-years pastimes: Guess the VP.

Who do we think the Democratic nominee is going to choose?

Here are some of my guesses.

Oprah Winfrey. Yeah, I know this is the obvious choice — probably too obvious — but Oprah is a strong choice. Picture a national book club. Picture heartwarming broadcasts from the White House. Unfortunately, we’re not going to get the best team-up: Andrew Yang and Oprah. “You get a thousand. You get a thousand. You get a thousand …”

Julia Louis-Dreyfuss. Another perhaps too-obvious choice. She’s already been a veep and she knows how to talk to politicians. Who better to negotiate with foreign leaders and senators?

Wendy Williams. I don’t have a rationale for this — I just want to watch the two of them hang out together.

Betty White. A helpful older, more mature voice is always a good idea for a young whippersnapper leader.

Stormy Daniels. Someone who knows President Trump’s weaknesses intimately would be invaluable on the ticket. She’s got name recognition and a following that will want to see her.

Kate McKinnon. Depending on the audience, she can be Elizabeth Warren, she can be Hillary Clinton, she can be Ruth Bader Ginsberg, she can be Justin Bieber, she can even be Jeff Sessions. It would be like having a Swiss army knife as a running mate.

Nicki Minaj. Biden probably shouldn’t pick her, but I really want to see her debate Mike Pence.

The opposition. Of course there will be another contender in the presidential election. Donald Trump already has a vice president, but just for fun, let’s imagine he jettisons Mike Pence. Who would match up well with Trump?

Sarah Palin. She recently appeared on national television dressed as a bear singing “Baby Got Back.” We’re in the midst of a bear market so the costuming makes sense and she said that, somehow, her performance will bring the country together. I don’t have any explanation for this but what more could you want? I’ll tell you what: matching bear costumes for the ticket.

Stormy Daniels. Someone who knows President Trump’s policies intimately would make the president comfortable — maybe even ecstatic. She’s got name recognition and a following that will want to see her.

Tech shortage? Here’s a really odd question that I’m guessing very few of you have considered: Do judges in the state of Washington have printers?

I certainly never thought of asking that until the Supreme Court of Washington issued a ruling in a very weird dispute between a bunch of superior court judges in two counties and their county clerk. It seems the judges wanted paper copies of court documents but the clerk insisted on electronic files.

My immediate reaction was to wonder why the judges couldn’t print out files they wanted if they hate computer screens so much. So maybe they don’t have printers or maybe they don’t know how to work those new-fangled thinking machines? Lawyers in those counties should consider a change of venue if their cases involve any sort of technology.

In case you’re wondering, the Washington Supreme Court ruled against the lower court judges. Apparently, not all judges stick together.

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