Tweet This!

     OK, I admit it – I haven’t tried Twitter yet.
     It’s trendy. It’s huge. It might make sense for someone who writes for a living. (Well, sort of a living.)
     I might like it.
     But I have problems with the concept. Twitter is almost the polar opposite of what it claims to be.
     If you go to the Twitter website and watch the stick-figure video – really, it’s a video designed for third-graders – you’ll see that their explanation for this service is that it’s a way to really get to know people. You get little short bursts of information about people going about their daily lives to fill in your picture of them.
     Ha!
     Now imagine getting your information about the economy, Congress and the White House from press releases.
     See what I mean?
     The tweets are a tad self-serving. You don’t hear anything bad and you have no idea whether any of it is true.
     Tweets you will probably never get:
     “My rash turned purple this morning.”
     “I was so bored this morning. I had to use the bathroom and I forgot to bring a magazine.”
     “Dripped spaghetti sauce on the shirt again. What is the matter with me? Why don’t I wear red?”
     “POTTY BREAK!”
     “I have no life.”
     So what is Twitter really good for except fantasy?
     I was chuckling over the Twitter video when my wife asked what I was looking at. I explained and she immediately came up with a concept – judges twittering to each other.
     Brilliant!
     An idiot lawyer asks another leading question after being admonished twice. You can’t hold the guy in contempt for being stupid, but you can tweet to the rest of the courthouse: “Johnson strikes again. Can we send him back to law school? And have you seen those pants?”
     Or maybe:
     “That last witness was so fat, I had to grant a change of venue for her butt.”
     Twitter is perfect for snarkiness!
     I don’t know why they don’t promote this. Those of you who tweet should spread the word.
     There are other good uses for Twitter too.
     Think of all the times when you’ve thought of a great response five minutes after you could have used it.
     Now you can use it – just twitter it to all your fans and friends.
     No more regrets for missed opportunities.
     Twitter could also be the perfect way to speed up litigation.
     Yes, trial by twitter – all questions and responses limited to 140 characters (i.e. screen spaces, not weird people).
     And all your fans and friends can follow the action.

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