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Monday, April 22, 2024 | Back issues
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Try Not To Gag

"The art of deep throat is to not gag."

Yes, I've been doing research. Sometimes litigation just forces you to look more deeply into the background of what's going on.

In case you missed it, a company that owns the rights to Deep Throat sued Vivid Entertainment for allegedly breaching an agreement to submit a remake of the film for approval before releasing it.

Yes, it was a premature release. Some straight lines can't be ignored.

For the sheltered among you, Deep Throat was a pioneering porn film. You can imagine for yourself where it pioneered.

But what intrigued me about the lawsuit was that part of the agreement was for a Deep Throat remake reality series.

How could I have missed this?

What would this contest have been like?

Imagine my disappointment when I found out that it wasn't that kind of a reality series but just a sort-of documentary about the remake.

(Hmm. I seem to be advising a lot of imagining here. You're on the wrong website if you don't want to imagine.)

But I did learn some things.

It turned out the six-episode series was on Showtime. Here's a description of one of the shows:

"In episode 103, script problems convince Steven and director Paul Thomas that a light comedy starring an unknown is the wrong direction for their 'Deep Throat' remake, and elect to make the film a murder mystery with rising star Sasha Grey in the lead."

Script problems?

A lack of sense of humor perhaps?

A lack of gags?

Well, maybe this isn't a laughing matter.

Hmm. Imagine what the murder weapon might have been....

I also discovered the interesting fact that the series was being used to promote the Deep Throat energy drink.

Hydration is important.

And then there was the quote at the top of this column. It's from a clip of the show on a website called, not too surprisingly, worldofwonder.net and the speaker is an actress trying out for the lead role.

Despite her apparent expertise, she didn't get the job. Talent is no guarantee of success. That's reality.

(Completely irrelevant side note: Does the The Real Housewives of Orange County remind anyone else of a really bad porn flick with the sex scenes edited out? I keep waiting for the music to start....)

STICKS AND STONES. Oddly enough, on the very same day the Deep Throat suit was filed, a lawsuit against a porn director was filed on Los Angeles on behalf of an agent for porn actresses.

The plaintiff, a guy who calls himself The Patron of the Tarts, seemed to think his reputation (for chastity?) was damaged because the director said the plaintiff required his clients to give him blow jobs.

Getting damages may be a bit difficult. After all, a good agent really should assess client job skills. Isn't that part of his job?

I'm picturing the Patron starring in a series on Showtime.

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