The Real Issues

     I’d like to say a word on behalf of male prostitutes.
     No, I’m not one myself. I might have aspired to the career in my younger days, but I’m pretty sure that path is closed to me now.
     Feel free to tell me otherwise.
     I feel compelled to speak up because the gigolo community was seriously insulted last week is the increasingly fascinating presidential campaign.
     In case you missed it, a man at a Bernie Sanders rally who wants to increase health care for everyone — in other words, by definition an insensitive, uncaring individual — called Democrats who want to take only small steps toward universal health care “corporate Democratic whores.”
     This caused an outcry.
     Oddly, the outcry wasn’t from the small-steppers. It was from people who insist that the speaker had dissed women. Or at least women who want gradual change.
     Not a word on behalf of male whores who may very well favor universal health care.
     Sexism again raises its ugly head.
     Some of you may think this is silly. It is remotely possible that the speaker, a doctor and health care activist, did not purposely demean women so that we’d be persuaded to support health care.
     He might even like women. It’s unlikely, but it’s possible.
     But that’s not what elections are about.
     Imagine how boring the campaigns would be if all we talked about was health care, income distribution and foreign policy. Why do that when you can quibble about a word?
     There’s no need to worry about whether it’s worse having Ted Cruz carpet-bomb Middle Eastern countries or Donald Trump throw immigrants out of the country when you can obsess over Gestapo Republicans.
     Apparently, Trump supporters are being rounded up and sent to camps.
     Not the worst idea — but I’m guessing it’s not happening.
     Fortunately, there are plenty of trivial issues to keep us interested.
     For example, what does “Bernie Bro” really mean?
     This is an actual issue. Here’s a passage from The Los Angeles Times last week: “Some women who support Sanders … say the term ‘Bernie bro’ itself diminishes the legions of feminists working for Sanders, who they argue has the best agenda for women.”
     Where’s the outrage on behalf of guys who have brothers named Bernie? What did they do to deserve this opprobrium?
     And does anyone know whether Bernie Sanders has a brother? Why hasn’t this come out in a debate?
     What about the Zodiac killer’s feelings?
     Apparently some people actually believe Ted Cruz is the Zodiac killer, a California serial killer in the late 1960s and early 1970s.
     Imagine how the real Zodiac killer must feel. It’s a wonder he hasn’t come out of hiding to sue for defamation.
     Someone needs to come to the defense of serial killers. They may be bad, but they’re not Ted Cruz bad.
     And how much fun are parties without alcohol?
     John Kasich brought the issue into the presidential campaign by having the gall to say that college women might get into trouble at parties where there’s lot of alcohol.
     More sexism. No one speaks on behalf of men who get into trouble at parties with alcohol.
     According to one news story: “The Democratic National Committee blasted Kasich for ‘blaming victims of sexual and domestic violence,’ and noted, ‘It is no wonder women are turning away from the Republican field in huge numbers.'”
     When thinking about this election, women clearly need as much alcohol as men.
     Polling. The Ted Cruz/Zodiac Killer thing, by the way, may be the answer to why polls are so unreliable — it’s so tempting for some of us to respond to a silly question with the silliest possible answer.
     “Is Ted Cruz the Zodiac Killer?”
     “Why, of course he is. How could anyone think otherwise?”
     “Is Donald Trump Animal, the Muppet drummer?”
     “Absolutely. Their platforms are exactly the same.”
     Hmm. Now that I think about it, I’ve haven’t seen Donald Trump and Animal together…
     Let the rumors begin.

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