The Perfect Figure

     Have you ever stopped to think about the phrase “one size fits all?”
     If it fits all, is it really a size?
     And is such a thing possible? Are you telling me that a hat that fits a two-year-old is going to fit Shaquille O’Neal?
     Not likely.
     So I was astonished to learn that in the fashion industry there is such a thing as a “fit model” who tries on clothes for a living.
     I discovered this, naturally, in a lawsuit.
     “Fit models work closely with clothing designers, fit technicians and buyers to size clothes and make sure they fit appropriately,” said the suit filed in Los Angeles Superior Court. “A fit model is trained to give feedback to designers about how clothes should be altered and how to make them marketable and attractive.”
     So is this model in perfect shape or in terrible shape like most of us?
     It gets weirder.
     According to the complaint against Guess? Inc., the plaintiff “competed for five days along with hundreds of other models” for the job and was chosen because of “her perfect figure and potential ability to market Guess? Inc. clothes.”
     I’m picturing hundreds of rail-thin women sucking in air and blowing themselves up to plus-size to impress panels of judges with their size flexibility.
     A few of them probably float away.
     And they did this for five days? Reality series producers may want to look into this competition.
     It gets weirder still.
     The suit says the plaintiff was enormously successful as a fit model and tried on lots of clothes. Then one day, the plaintiff allegedly “was taken to a room where a complete digital scan was performed of her naked body. Some time later, she learned that Guess had created a form … which was a perfect replica of her naked torso.”
     Guess then used the digital version of the naked plaintiff “to assist with fittings when she was not present.”
     Are you wondering what I’m wondering?
     If they could use a digital model, why did they need a flesh version in the first place? This woman must be really special.
     So special, in fact, that, according to the suit, Guess is now marketing “a perfect replica of her naked torso to vendors and other businesses around the world without her permission.”
     Expect to see the torso in video games soon.
     A TRULY FRIGHTENING THOUGHT. If the economy and the climate and the wars aren’t bad enough, here’s something else to disturb you. This is the beginning of a press release issued the other day:
     “OXFORD, Miss., Sept. 25 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ — Plaintiffs learned this week that the Chief Judge of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit, Edith H. Jones, immediately approved their request to convene a three-judge panel in District Court regarding a lawsuit challenging the constitutionality of the current size of the United States House of Representatives. The lawsuit argues that the provision in the United States Code (2 USC section 2a) that freezes the size of the House at 435 members is unconstitutional, egregiously violating the well-established principle of “one person, one vote” affirmed in multiple Supreme Court decisions.”
     Someone wants more politicians?!?!
     Please don’t let this happen.

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