The Conscience|of a Conservative

     I guess I’m just a conservative.
     So long as I can marry the girl I want, I don’t care who marries anyone else. It’s none of my business.
     I think some people deserve to be executed. If the government can send people off to die for no good reason in foreign countries, I don’t see why it shouldn’t be allowed to kill them for good reasons here at home.
     I don’t think it’s any of my business if women have babies or not.
     I think the Hon. Roland Burris, senator from Illinois, is a sleaze.
     Then again, I don’t think he did anything the other 98 senators didn’t do.
     I think Norm Coleman, the former senator from Minnesota, is a sleaze too, and a traitor to his state.
     I think hunting seasons should be respected, and congressmen, senators and presidents should have hunting seasons too. They should be given 3 months to raise money for their re-election campaigns, once every two, or six, or four years. If they take any money from anyone, outside of their salary, outside of their hunting season, they should be stripped of office and thrown in jail.
     I think anyone who spends time looking at hard-core pornography is, more than likely, a perve.
     I think antitrust laws should be used to break up the Democratic and Republican Parties.
     Major League Baseball, too.
     I think every once in a while we should have a bad poet shot, and a rich banker beheaded.
     I think the Good Old Days for the U.S. economy were under the Eisenhower administration. The incremental tax rate then for people who earned more than $400,000 a year was 91 percent. The corporate tax rate was 52 percent. We had peace and prosperity.
     I think we should balance the federal budget. Since Americans use 868.6 million gallons of gas a day – 45 percent of it for cars and trucks – increasing the federal gas tax by 10 cents a gallon would bring us $1 billion every 11½ days – $31.6 billion a year.
     But that’s not enough since our deficit is so big. If we increased the federal gas tax by 25 cents a gallon – up from today’s puny 18.4 cents a gallon – we’d bring in $1 billion every 4½ days – an extra $79 billion a year.
     It would be better if we increased the gas tax by $1 a gallon. That would bring us nearly $1 billion a day – $317 billion a year. And even with the extra $1 a gallon tax, we’d still be paying less for gas than did last summer.
     California used 1.2 billion gallons of gas in January. If the state slapped a $1 a gallon tax on gas, its budget disaster would be solved.
     And all those taxes would reduce oil consumption and our foreign debt, both of which we claim to want.
     If the officials in state and federal governments – Gov. Schwarzenegger, all our congressmen and senators and President Obama – are too cowardly to do this, then they should find another way to balance the budget, or shut up.
     Looking at my headline again, maybe I’m not a conservative. I have a conscience.
     Finally, I think the District of Columbia deserves statehood. No taxation without representation! Plus, it would be fun to see how they get 51 stars on the flag. If they made three rows of 17 stars each, the flag could be shaped like a college pennant and maybe kids would hang it up in their bedrooms. Go, USA!

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