Stormy Daniels Debuts Stand-Up Comedy Act in Houston

[Editor’s note: This story contains some graphic content.]

Stormy Daniels at the Joke Joint Comedy Club in Houston on Wednesday, March 20, 2019. (CNS Photo/Cameron Langford)

HOUSTON (CN) – Before Donald Trump, Stormy Daniels built a successful career directing and starring in adult films. On stage at a Houston comedy club Wednesday night, she proved she can entertain a crowd without showing any skin.

Daniels started her 50-minute set at the Joke Joint Comedy Club with a disclaimer: “First and foremost, I’m not a comedian and when it was announced that I was going to be here a lot of actual comedians lost their fucking shit on me.”

Wearing a black dress, she said her show was merely a chance for her to tell some stories about her life in the adult industry and for people to get to know her.

“There’s something happening right now that I never thought I would get to say in my lifetime: Be gentle, it’s my first time,” she said.

She touched on Trump calling him the “orange goblin” and mocked her own tell-all book, the New York Times best seller “Full Disclosure,” which she said does not belong on a coffee table, but on the back of a guest bathroom toilet.

In her book, Daniels says she had a tryst with Trump in 2006 in a Lake Tahoe hotel room and vividly describes his anatomy.

Trump denies it happened. But his former personal attorney Michael Cohen testified in Congress last month that shortly before Trump was elected president in November 2016, at Trump’s request, he had paid Daniels $130,000 in hush money and she had signed a non-disclosure agreement.

Cohen’s claims have fueled speculation that Trump could be prosecuted for making illegal campaign contributions to influence the election, but experts say that’s unlikely to happen while he’s still in office. 

Daniels, 40, recently lost a legal battle in which she tried to void the non-disclosure deal, but she wants the world to know she won’t be defined by her alleged romp with Trump.

She started stripping at age 17 in her home state of Louisiana and has directed 102 adult films. She gave the audience a peek at life on the set and the quirks of some of her fellow porn stars.

“Some of the smartest most amazing businesswomen I’ve met work in porn, but for every one of those there’s also a girl I look at and go, ‘How did you get to set today?’” she said.

She said one actress told her she had to call her agent to come pick her up and asked her, “What time is it?”

Daniels said, “Keep in mind she had a cellphone in her hand. I looked at my cellphone and I said ‘It’s three o’clock.’ And she said, ‘What time’s it going to be in a half hour?’”

At an adult film convention in Los Angeles, Daniels said, she was assigned to direct a scene with a woman who had won a contest to be a porn star for a day.

“They gave me no information. Was she old, young, black, white, fat? Was I about to do granny porn? I literally had no idea what was coming to set that day. I can’t tell you how excited I was when this banging hot 23-year-old girl walks in.”

Daniels said she sent the woman to the bathroom right before they were set to shoot to do her “girlie stuff,” industry code for brush her teeth and douche.

“I noticed she had been gone for quite a while. Then I realized she had been gone a long time,” Daniels said. “So I was like, ‘Shit, either she’s flipping out or she’s overdosing.’ Either way it’s my problem.”

She said she walked into the bathroom to find the woman sitting on the toilet. “For a moment I thought she thought the set was in the bathroom.” She said she asked the woman if she was ready to start.

“She goes, ‘Yeah, but I have one question.’ She points to the box of douche on the sink and goes, ‘How is that supposed to make my pussy clean? I drank it like 20 minutes ago.’”

The crowd groaned. “I can’t think of any moment in my life when I’ve been that speechless, obviously an NDA can’t even keep me quiet. The bitch that drank the douche, I couldn’t think of a fucking word to say,” Daniels said.

She interspersed her stories with audience participation. Holding a stack of note cards on which some of the 120 audience members had written questions for her, she quickly flipped through the cards.

“’What’s it like being a porn star?’ I don’t know. Just like any other job I guess except I get to look at hot naked people. I mean except that one time,” she said.

Someone wrote, “What’s the craziest thing a fan has done?”

Daniels said she was once in Winston-Salem, N.C., for a stripping gig, and she had taken the trash out of her hotel room and set in the hallway. She said she heard someone in the hallway in the morning and thought it was the maids, so she opened the door to ask them for some towels.

“And I’ll never forget this moment. It was a burly man, digging through my trash. I caught him right in the moment. No one’s still eating, right?”

“Cause this is super fucked up. I caught him right in the moment when he found the prize he was looking for. A used feminine product that he announced he was going to use to make Stormy tea and he ran down the hallway.”

Nearing the end of her set, she read another question: “If your standup career starts to take off…”

“Hopefully it does not because my feet are starting to hurt and I really like lying down more than this,” Daniels interjected.

After Daniels stepped off stage, Brenda, a 55-year-old who had sipped martinis throughout the show, said she had attended with no expectations.

“It was alright. … It was not too graphic. I thought it actually would have been a little more graphic,” she said, declining to give her last name.

Dozens of people queued up afterwards to take photos with Daniels and get her autograph, but those not in line were told not to take pictures.

A tall 300-pound man in a black sport coat and jeans, apparently a member of Daniels’ security team, stood near her and scolded people lining up photos on their cellphones.

“If you want a picture go stand in line,” he said.

Another member of Daniels’ team grabbed a patron named Travis’ phone after he saw him taking pictures with it. He scrolled through the photos, “OK, these are going in the trash,” he said, deleting them.

Despite the lost photos, Travis, 38, said he enjoyed the show. He also did not give his full name.

“It was entertaining to say the least. . . . She’s definitely not a comedian, but she has some funny stories,” he said.

Daniels’ real name is Stephanie Clifford. But she told the audience she hates for anybody to call her that, and her 8-year-old daughter only knows her as Stormy.

%d bloggers like this: