Presidents Devastate Haiti?

     I know I promised more out-of-the box solutions this week, but there’s way too much good stuff crying out for comment.
     First: the Internet headline that shocked me.
     “Bush, Clinton visit devastated Haitian capital.”
     Why, oh why, would the ex-presidents devastate another country? Hadn’t they done enough to this one? Hasn’t Haiti suffered enough?
     Fortunately, once I read the story, it turned out that Haiti had already been devastated and the ex-prezes were only visiting the devastation.
     Still, the image lingered. Picture Bush unleashing his version of FEMA on a hapless nation. Picture Clinton eyeing the women.
     There’s a summer blockbuster here.
     Then there was the inexplicable Canadian bobsledding scandal.
     According to a suit filed in Los Angeles, Serge Despres, Canada’s top bobsledder was barred from the 2010 Winter Olympics because he consumed a nutritional supplement that, unbeknownst to him, contained a banned substance.
     Pause. Think about this.
     They test bobsledders for banned substances?
     Don’t they just have to lie there?
     Can you lie there better if you take steroids? Wouldn’t more muscle be a drawback?
     Someone needs to rethink this policy.
     Also this week a South Carolina politician sued Showtime and Home Box Office for, allegedly, promoting the showing of the movie he made and then showing a soft core porn flick instead.
     How could this happen?
     Well, the name of the politician’s film is “The Hills Have Thighs.”
     I don’t know about you, but I’d be pretty disappointed if I turned on “The Hills Have Thighs” and it wasn’t a soft core porn flick.
     According to the suit, however, the film “is an Appalachian comedy written and directed by plaintiff that centers around the disappearance of a local hillbilly icon; it does not contain any pornographic material….”
     Hillbillies have icons?
     Showtime and HBO probably made the right choice.
     Stay tuned for false advertising litigation from moviegoers wanting porn fooled by the plaintiff’s film title.
     Speaking of titles, have you wondered how hulu.com got its name? I hadn’t either, but a company founded by a guy named Errol Hula has sued NBC Universal and Hulu, LLC for allegedly taking his ideas for a TV website and sort of using his name on it to boot.
     Let’s suppose for a moment that this claim is true. That means some executives took this guy’s ideas and then covered their tracks by changing one letter in the guy’s name.
     Clever bastards.
     I would have used hoop.com.
     Finally, I’m pleased to report that a former reporter/producer for TMZ has sued TMZ, claiming he was fired after complaining about co-workers using illegal drugs on the job. And TMZ, according to the complaint, “did nothing to stop the illegal drug use at work.”
     Do I care that people at TMZ use drugs?
     Nope.
     Do I think it’s wonderful and extremely fair that someone dishes dirt about TMZ?
     Oh, yeah.
     Hee, hee.
     Next week: Out-of-the-box solutions – but only if nothing much happens.

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