Pay the man

President Trump gets sued a lot — and that may be good for lawyers — but it hasn’t been all that effective. There’s a better way to change White House policies.

Maybe suing the president isn’t the right way to go.

If you’re one of the people suing, you’re spending a lot of money and energy and maybe not getting satisfying results.

I know this is a website mostly for legal professionals and full employment resulting from Trump litigation is good for the profession, but I’m going to recommend you all stop litigating. The country — and probably the world — needs a better approach.

And that approach is pay Trump. (Note to lawyers: you can still profit from negotiating the deals.)

I’m sure most of you don’t need me to repeat the obvious but I’m going to do it quickly anyway. The president and his family are motivated by money, not ideology (aside from racism if you consider that an ideology). It’s very similar to the way my beagles are motivated by food, not toys. It’s just the way they are.

Recent history is clear. Trump once said crypto was a scam. Now he’s selling the crypto (and meme coins and stable coins, and whatever else makes money).

Trump once hated TikTok. He got some money from a TikTok guy and now we still have TikTok.

Trump lunches with Nazis at Mar-a-Lago and then uses antisemitism as an excuse to attack universities. There’s not an obvious money angle to this but you can all guess at it.

Trump hates Muslims. Then he builds hotels in the Middle East.

Trump gets money from a certain white South African. Suddenly white South Africans are the victim of genocide (At least they were before last week).

I’m sure I’m missing more stuff but the pattern is there. We have to take advantage of it.

If we want academic freedom, Trump needs to benefit from it. A percentage of alumni donations and part ownership of scientific discoveries should do the trick.

If we want sensible public health services and research, we need taxes on healthy people. A cut of all hospital profits and drugs sales wouldn’t hurt either.

If we want to fight climate change, we need Trump-branded windmills and solar panels.

We’ve got a capitalist system. We need to use it.

Writing exercise. Of course, the other Trump world habit is making things up — the South African genocide, the dog and cat feasts, the trillions saved by DOGE, the rampaging hordes of gangster and insane migrants, the Biden robot, Trump’s weight. It’s a bizarre fantasy world.

Since reality can be bent to our will, we should all take advantage of the opportunity for creativity.

For example, have you heard about the orgies in the White House basement? Jeffrey Epstein, who of course is still alive, organizes them. Catering includes all-you-can-molest children.

Illegal insane and criminal immigrants supposedly shipped to foreign countries are being secretly trained as a personal army for House Speaker Mike Johnson to unleash on party members not toeing the line.

President Trump died of heart failure five years ago. What we’ve seen is an animated version of Trump created by a Pixar/Aardman collaboration. Melania hasn’t noticed the difference.

Everyone on Jeopardy Masters is a robot including host Ken Jennings.

Fox News is controlled by Russian oligarchs. (I realize this one may actually be true but I have no proof.)

It really is A1 Sauce destroying white people’s brains.

Robert Kennedy Jr. is a lizard alien. No human looks or sounds like that.

Isn’t this fun? Feel free to spread your own rumors.