Obvious Pairings

     Reality can be such a disappointment.
     I was on that Internet thing the other day when I spotted this headline: “CNN hires Spitzer, Parker to co-host new program.”
     Wow, I thought. What a wonderful idea!
     Team Elliot Spitzer, the governor caught with the prostitute, with Sarah Jessica Parker, the actress on Sex in the City.
     Imagine my disappointment to find out that Elliot Spitzer is teamed up with some columnist named Parker instead of Sarah Jessica. How could the producers have missed such an obvious pairing?
     SJP and the Luv Guv! I’d watch that show.
     And there could be a whole series of other shows like it.
     You take someone from what we laughingly refer to as “real life” and pair them with an actor/actress in a complementary role. They can learn from each other. They could come up with new movies.
     The actor gets insight into the real life character. The real life person gets some lessons on how to look better in public.
     And you can send them out on missions making use of their skills.
     Some examples:

     Barack Obama and Dennis Haysbert. OK, this one is pretty obvious – the first black president and the first black president on TV. In fact, they may already have teamed up, in a way.
     If you check out Haysbert’s Wikipedia profile, you’ll find this sentence: “Haysbert believes that his playing of David Palmer on 24 helped Barack Obama-whom Haysbert supported-to win the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination.”
     So it’s Obama’s turn to help Haysbert. Bring him to some staff meetings with Rahm Emanuel to get him ready for his next David Mamet play.

     Carly Fiorina and Jane Lynch. The U. S. Senate candidate already knows how to get rid of jobs and alienate people, but can she do it with the style of Jane Lynch’s character on Glee?
     I want to see Fiorina in a track suit learning from Lynch how to properly make fun of an opponent’s hair. And I want to see Lynch learning from Fiorina how to look like a pro-business candidate after running a company while its stock value went down 60%.
     Their mission: jointly campaign for the Senate — in track suits – while daring opponents to sing about them.

     David Petraeus and Sylvester Stallone. Come on, be honest. You know you want these two to team up.
     I want to see the general wearing a torn shirt, bandoliers and bandana while Stallone stays behind in Washington to answer questions in Congress.
     People on both sides of the world will be terrified.

     MORE HARASSMENT. And now another excerpt from a request for an order to stop harassment:

     Person came to U.S. to personally harm me sent inFo on Hotel Stay name Even asked me to pick he (sic) up. So she can beat me up Have emails and photos.
     How do you know the person? Threw Ebay – business transaction. and the persons website.

     I probably wouldn’t have picked her up.

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