Not My Problems

     Hate me. Go ahead, feel free. I’m a powerful guy, apparently.
     Less than 24 hours after the Rev. Jeremiah Wright said “them Jews” wouldn’t let him talk to his former parishioner, President Obama, a slightly older, slightly lighter racist shot to death a black security guard at the Holocaust Museum – do I have to say “allegedly” about this one?
     James von Brunn, 88, allegedly killed security guard Stephen T. Johns after leaving a note saying, “The Holocaust is a lie. Obama was created by Jews,” if you can believe the District of Columbia police and every news service in the world.
     Stephen Johns, 39, seems to have been loved by just about everyone who knew him. His death is the saddest thing about this entire despicable story. Nothing that happens to von Brunn or Wright from now on could be sad. They’re paranoid, racist morons.
     Isn’t it time to let up on the Jews?
     I’m not actually Jewish, though I’m Jewish enough. Kahn is a Jewish name, and my father’s side of the family was culturally Jewish, though my father was not a believer, and neither am I. But my mother’s family was Roman Catholic, and since Judaism is passed on matrilineally, I don’t qualify.
     I’m sure I’d qualify as Jewish for von Brunn or for the Rev. Wright, though. Or for Hitler. So since people seem to be looking for someone to hate these days, here’s the deal I’m offering: Hate me.
     Go on, if it’ll make you feel better. Blame me for whatever you like. After you’ve hated me long enough – and while you’re hating me – why don’t you leave everyone else alone?
     America’s favorite sport these days is blaming someone else for our problems. It’s what Fox News broadcasts around the clock.
     Everyone’s got problems. I’ve got plenty of them. What’s more, some of my problems may have been caused by someone else. But I don’t blame anyone else for them. Anyone who does that is acting – just a little bit – just like von Brunn and Wright. And like Fox News, and all of its biggest stars.
     “You want my weapons – this is how you’ll get them. The Holocaust is a lie. Obama was created by Jews,” von Brunn wrote in a note he left in his car, according to a court affidavit.
     He thought someone wanted his weapons. They didn’t want them too badly though, did they? Who, exactly, wanted the guy’s weapons? “You.” They. Them.
     “Them Jews ain’t going to let him talk to me,” Wright told the Newport News Daily Press, after a ministers’ conference, the night before von Brunn – allegedly – committed murder.
     Speaking about President Obama, Wright said: “I said from the beginning: He’s a politician. I’m a pastor. He’s got to do what politicians do.” And Wright’s got to do what pastors do, which is, I guess, mutter about them Jews.
     Here’s another idea. While you’re hating me, let’s all of us – everyone in the whole country – shout all the racist insults we can imagine, at the top of our lungs, for as long as we can. Let’s insult everyone else in the world and blame them for whatever we like. Quick, somebody, tell me a good insult for a Norwegian. Them damn Norwegians. Ruining our banks. Taking our guns. Making them women have them abortions.
     What a country.
     I blame Fox News and the Republican Party. They have turned up the hate and the volume and the “let’s find someone to blame” paranoia so high for so long that thousands of people, millions of people, are willing to acquiesce to murder. Murder a doctor, murder a security guard, stalk a judge – be somebody.
     Oops. I said I didn’t blame anyone else for my problems, and there I go, blaming Fox News and the Republicans. Contradiction, right? Not really. You see, I don’t personally have problems with hate, violence, paranoia, and ceaseless venom all the livelong day. They’re not my problems.
     They’re Fox News’ problems, and the Republican Party’s problems, and von Brunn’s problems, and Jeremiah Wright’s problems.

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