My Dream Teams

     It’s finally that time again!
     Time to play Guess the Vice President!
     We get this chance just once every four years, and unlike the Olympics, all of us get to compete and America always gets the prize!
     It’s not always a good prize, but it’s all ours.
     U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
     This is a particularly good year for this event because not only do we get to guess who could, or should, be the vice-presidential candidates for both parties, we also have wildly entertaining top-of-the-ticket candidates to pair them with.
     With any luck, you’ll be reading this and making your own guesses before the nominees make their choices. Here are mine in no particular order of preference.
     First, for Hillary Clinton:
     Kate McKinnon. OK, Kate McKinnon doesn’t have any political experience that I know of but Hillary has enough experience for both of them. This way you get double the Hillary for just one vote, and Hillary can campaign in two places at once.
     If McKinnon isn’t available, Amy Poehler will do nicely.
     Julia Louis-Dreyfus. She has experience in the position.
     Tipper Gore. You’ve got to love the symmetry of this ticket.
     Senator Kirsten Gillibrand. Two blondes from New York. I realize this isn’t traditional ticket-balancing, but think of it in professional wrestling tag-team terms. I’m picturing them wearing identical spangled tights with one of them holding Trump down and the other leaping off the ropes.
     I really want to see this.
     Melinda Gates. There are lots of advantages to this ticket. You get connections from and exposure for two major philanthropic foundations.
     There will be no problem funding the campaign.
     And Bill (Gates, not Clinton) can drop by and help Hillary with her email server.
     Now, for Donald Trump:
     Beaker. See Kate McKinnon, above — another two for the price of one. The Orange Ticket.
     Miss America. Her name is not important. At least not to Trump.
     Anne Coulter. It’s amazing these two aren’t married, but maybe she’s too old for him. This is another tag team — although I’m picturing Trump with a metal chair and Coulter kicking someone in the crotch.
     Dan Quayle. He has experience in the position, and he’ll make Trump look intelligent.
     Martin Shkreli. This is the strongest pro-business ticket possible. This is the duo that can show America what winning in the financial world is all about.
     Both are adept users of Twitter. Check out Twitter to see what I mean.
     The pair can also share defense lawyers.
     Now Google Martin Shkreli and check out the “People Also Search For” section. You will be entertained.

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