Let’s Be Sympathetic

I’m not a gossip columnist. I’m not interested in the personal lives of celebrities. I barely know what a Kardashian is. So I can’t explain my reaction the other day when I heard that Bill and Melinda Gates were divorcing.

How could this happen? Why would this happen? I’ve never met them and I felt betrayed somehow. They seemed like such a nice couple and they’d been together for 27 years. Did one of them suddenly get tired of the other snoring? Did someone spend too much time in the bathroom? Were there money problems?

Maybe Bill really did put microchips in the vaccines and Melinda just found out about it.

Where is the reporting on this? Come on, TMZ, get to work!

Nothing made sense to me and I was depressed.

I wondered and felt these things while realizing how weird my feelings were.

I’m sure there were perfectly good or maybe even tragic reasons for this happening. And it’s none of my business!

The next day, I came across this on Reddit:

I will be quick to point out the inherent sexism here. Where is the plan for seducing Melinda Gates? I’d say she’s the better catch, but that would be sexist of me.

There were already more than 4,000 responses to the Reddit question after being online just 12 hours. Apparently, money does buy love.

It then occurred to me that the wrong question was being asked. We shouldn’t be asking how to seduce Bill or Melinda — we need to ask how to help them through this time of crisis. Just because they’re rich doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings.

Invite one of them over for dinner. Sympathetic ears and friends — even ones they’ve never met before — can be wonderfully healing.

Take one of them out for drinks and dancing. They need distraction and fun.

Do NOT try to set them up with a friend. It’s too soon.

Challenge them to online games of Warcraft or Fortnite. The hours will fly away.

Most important of all, make sure you and everyone you know picks either Team Bill or Team Melinda. You don’t want overlap.

And when traumatic memories finally fade, it could be time for romance once more.

Important caveat: Do not ask either of them for help with your computer. It’s just not cool.

Reasonableness. The following is the entire description of an alleged tort found in a recent Los Angeles Superior Court complaint. See if you can explain what the defendant should have done to avoid liability:

“On the date and at the location mentioned above Plaintiff … was at the Delta Sky Club sitting on a bar stool when an older gentleman fell on Plaintiff knocking her to the ground. The older gentleman had to be assisted off of Plaintiff as she laid on the ground. The Defendants and each of them negligently owned, managed and operated the premises. The fall and resulting injuries of Plaintiff were caused by the negligence of aforesaid Defendants who failed to utilize reasonable care in maintaining said premises.”

The elderly are definitely an avoidable hazard.

Delta’s lawyers need to tell their client to segregate the elderly. If they fall on each other, it’s their own fault.

A separate babies lounge is a good idea too.

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