Kissy, Kissy

     KISS!
     Kiss, kiss.
     Keep It Simple, Stupid!
     All right – it’s true – I just enjoyed writing the above. It felt good somehow and I thought it would grab your attention. But if only the world had more kissing – both simplicity and affection – wouldn’t this be a better place?
     A few weeks ago I said the government should be stimulating the economy by buying us presents. Sure enough, this past week one of the major news stories was a form of government gift-giving: the “cash for clunkers” program.
     It appears to be a huge success. You don’t get people to spend money by giving them money – you get people to spend money by, essentially, giving them gift certificates.
     It’s simple.
     We need a Cabinet-level official in charge of shopping for us. And we need some imagination.
     Think of all the other kinds of “clunkers” we could turn in to stimulate industries.
     Wouldn’t you like a new computer? Turn in that clunker so it can be sent to a third-world country and or a depressed state college system.
     How about a new spouse? Turn yours in and get credits to use on lawyers and online dating.
     Consider your wardrobe. What if we were all legally obliged to have rummage sales and makeovers?
     The economy thrives.
     Simplicity rules in other areas too.
     Again, this past week, another simple solution got everyone’s attention – sitting down with beer. If it works for a black professor and a white cop, why shouldn’t it work for everyone?
     All would-be litigants should be required to get together for beer. You either resolve the problem or get into an emotionally-satisfying brawl.
     Health care, another big newsmaker lately, is simple too. We don’t need thousand-page reform packages. Just lower the eligibility age for MediCare – to maybe 10 minutes.
     Problem solved.
     There’s a simple solution too for struggling newspapers – put them on iPhones or iPhone-like devices. A simple app should be enough to allow everyone to buy the day’s non-paper for, say, a nickel and read it in the car instantly while crashing into things.
     You get money for journalists, you get a huge audience, and you get advertising revenue. Another problem solved.
     Then there’s this environment thing. If only we could reduce consumption or emissions by, say, a seventh.
     Well, KISS!
     Except for emergency stuff, just turn off all the power and ban driving for one day a week. Imagine the peace, quiet and camaraderie on that day of rest.
     Imagine the increase in the birth rate.
     You solve the energy, environment, and stress problems with one simple solution.
     War?
     Hey, what is it good for?
     Absolutely nothing – and there’s a simple solution: stop fighting them.
     Just withdraw from everywhere. It would freak everyone out – they’d know we were up to something.
     What would those guys in Iran do if there was no American devil? How could they possibly stay in power?
     It’s hard to be mad at someone who isn’t fighting you.
     KISS!

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