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Saturday, July 20, 2024 | Back issues
Courthouse News Service Courthouse News Service
Op-Ed

I’ve got mail

June 10, 2024

You may have missed a lot of fascinating stuff in your inbox. I know this because I read some of my messages.

Milt Policzer

By Milt Policzer

Courthouse News columnist; racehorse owner and breeder; one of those guys who always got picked last.

I’ve been missing things in my email.

If you’re like me, you get a deluge of messages every day and have no problem mass deleting all of them except the few that you want to look at. For some reason, I paused one day last week to look at one or two to make sure I wasn’t missing something.

I was missing many things.

The first one I Iooked at contained a picture of Pete Buttigieg and asked if I had ever ridden a train. At the end of the note was a request to donate to “pass medicare for all.”

Huh?

Is there an epidemic of medical emergencies on the rails? Why isn’t the media covering this?

By this time, I had already wiped most of the day’s messages, so I decided that the next day I would take a look at everything in my inbox. Were there hidden treasures to be found? Was I missing important information? Were there interesting issues that I’d never considered?

It’s my job, after all, to slog through impenetrable text so you don’t have to.

Here are just a few nuggets I discovered last Wednesday that may have been in your inbox too:

Cooking Daily touted “Karen’s Slow Cooker Chicken Fajitas.” I have no idea who Karen is or why we should get a recipe for a Mexican dish from a Karen, but it gets weirder. The body of the message has some links to recipes and a number of “sponsored” items, including “Thoughts and prayers go out to Dr. Phil” and “Biden is changing tax laws for retirement AGAIN.” The latter was next to an oddly-artificial-looking photo of a frowning Joe Biden.

So this is from a right-wing Karen who enjoys cooking?

Apparently not. The email was supposedly sent by TheCookingDaily.com.

There are recipes there. There’s also this on the “About Us” page: “At Thecookingdaily.com, we are committed to empowering individual investors with the most accurate, up-to-date, and insightful information about the stock market. Founded by a group of financial enthusiasts and stock market analysts, our mission is to simplify investing for everyone, from beginners to seasoned traders.”

So I guess it’s stock traders who enjoy food.

It’s not easy making financial decisions when you’re hungry.

400% Match – VERY RARE (via NDTC) shouted "PLEADING with you." Can you guess what they were pleading for?

Apparently, our donations will be matched by four times as much — but only if we contribute by midnight. When will we get another opportunity like this?

Tomorrow maybe?

Also in the message after it notes that Donald Trump raised $53 million after his guilty verdict: “We won’t lie to you: this staggering — STAGGERING — haul puts us on the brink of another Trump presidency.”

They wouldn’t lie to us, would they?

Patriot Pulse announced “Joe Biden’s response to Donald Trump’s verdict highlighted one terrifying truth about the justice system.”

That it works?

You have to click a link to find this truth. It takes a while to find it, but the terrible thing Biden said was that “no one is above the law” and the only way to beat Trump is “at the ballot box.”

Shocking!

Right News Wire announced “Joe Biden is fuming over this painful reality about the future of electric vehicles.”

This links to a story about how there aren’t enough charging stations. I’m guessing Elon Musk doesn’t have anything to do with this news outlet.

The best part, by the way, is that the story refers to the EVs as “Bidenmobiles.” Take that, Obamacare.

If you want to enjoy something truly weird, click on the link at the end of the email. I won’t spoil it for you.

Skin Tag Removal. “Have a skin tag? Remove it pain-free.”

Do I really look that bad?

I clicked on the ad link. My anti-virus program informed me that a dangerous web page had been blocked.

So maybe my skin is OK.

Absolute News said “Mom feeds her 13-month-old a baby bottle full of bleach.”

I can count on “Absolute News” for something cheerful almost every day. Visit their site if you enjoy “news” stories illustrated by comic book art.

Absolute News (later in the day): “Can’t hold your pee for long? (do this tonight)”

No, don’t. Really don’t.

If you click on the link in the message, you’ll go to an insanely long (or maybe insanely boring) video about a guy searching for a secret solution for people constantly wetting their pants. I wanted to stop listening to it, but I had to learn the answer. I am a journalist, after all.

It got so bad that I switched screens and got some work done while the guy droned on.

SPOILER ALERT: The answer, at long last, was Bladder Relief 911, a pill with hibiscus, pomegranate powder and dandelion root at a mere introductory price of $69.95 for a one-month supply, or four bottles for $199.80.

I needed a bathroom break after that.

Supreme Court SCORN (MFA) announced “Clarence Thomas gives Trump immunity!?”

He does? Will they have a nice vacation together in their luxury camper?

I don’t know, but the email said this was an emergency and they had a 10 a.m. deadline for donations.

The request came from “Medicare for All.”

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