It’s Not About Me

     “Milton’s logo is not a cell tower but a galloping horse, and for good reason.”
     
My guess is the reason is that a cell tower would be a pretty stupid-looking logo.
     If you’re wondering why I have a logo, you’ve made an incorrect assumption. The quote isn’t about me.
     The sentence actually appears in a ruling last week from the 11th Circuit, called T-Mobile South, LLC v. City of Milton, Georgia.
     Oddly, not everything is about me.
     But you can see why that line might have jumped out at me (especially if you’ve seen my Facebook profile picture).
     Second favorite line from the ruling: “Instead, it seems Milton fears that with cell towers paradise will be lost.”
     And here I thought hell was getting lousy phone reception.
     In case you’re wondering, the dispute is between a rich small town and a rich phone company – and the legal argument hinged on whether letters and transcripts printed on paper that you can read are actually written.
     I don’t make this stuff up. You can enjoy reading it (in writing) yourself.
     
     Eschewing the fat: If obesity is a disease and a disability, why shouldn’t it be the next trendy source of personal injury litigation?
     A recent short piece in the National Law Review speculates that because the American Medical Association has decided to call obesity a disease, we could start seeing lawsuits against employers who don’t accommodate large people.
     The author doesn’t go far enough.
     I’m thinking strict liability suits against long lists of purveyors of high-calorie, high fat, large-cup addictive foods and beverages.
     Try to picture any of those defendants claiming they didn’t know their products could cause this obesity disease.
     Or that fries aren’t addictive.
     Asbestos and tobacco litigation is going to look small-time.
     Now think about the potential for handicapped access litigation.
     Extra-wide bathroom stall construction could jump-start the economy.
     
     Law School, Schmaw School: I love it when reality proves me right. It doesn’t happen all that often – reality is usually too chicken to take my advice.
     But last week I recommended that we do away with law schools and just put aspiring lawyers to work.
     OK, that hasn’t happened yet, but the current edition of California Bar Journal features a profile of a guy who is being awarded the 2013 Loren Miller Legal Services Award for, among other things, being a lawyer.
     The recipient, Gary Blasi, didn’t go to law school. It doesn’t seem to have held him back.
     There is an irony here – Blasi is now a professor at UCLA Law School. Something obviously went terribly wrong.
     
     Odd Footnote of the Week: From a 9th Circuit ruling called Association des Eleveurs de Canards et d’Oies due Quebec v. Harris:
     “During oral argument, Plaintiffs’ counsel argued that the industry of down feathers relies on force feeding ducks, but Plaintiffs’ declarations contain no evidence to support that argument.”
     Nobody wants feathers from a depressed, anorexic duck.
     The next footnote from this case almost won the week’s honor:
     “Plaintiffs also argue that § 25982 will be arbitrarily enforced to preclude only the sale of liver products, but those are the only products covered by the statute.”
     Still arbitrary, though.

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