Idiots’ Delight

     Maybe I’m more confident about my country than every TV network, radio station and newspaper in the United States, but was it really the top national news story for three days this week that a mentally disturbed person set off a couple of pipe bombs?
     I don’t care whether he was “connected with” or “inspired by” al-Qaida or ISIS or not. Or the Girl Scouts. Why did we allow Ahmad R. Schmuck (his real name) — plus The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Fox News and everyone else — to throw the entire nation into a tizzy because a wannabe terrorist threatened random strangers by scattering pipe bombs on the street?
     That’s not national news. It’s not even important.
     Sure, it was a bad thing to do. People could have been killed, though they were not. But hundreds of people do worse things every day, and do kill other people, without becoming national news.
     Have we all gone nuts?
     Have we all rented out our brains to Nielsen Ratings?
     And if we have: What’s in it for us?
     Five hundred and thirty people have been shot to death in Chicago this year — two a day — and more than 3,000 wounded: 12 a day. In one city. That’s 3,600 more deaths and injuries than Mr. Schmuck inflicted with his pipe bombs.
     Twenty-seven people die every day in the United States in drunk-driving accidents: 7,200 dead people this year. More coming soon — but not to a news station, unless it’s near you.
     It would take thousands of Schmuck terrorists — from Syria, from Iraq, from the Republic of Texas — to inflict as much violence upon us as we’re inflicting upon ourselves.
     Look, I know the drill. I’ve been in the news game for more than 30 years. I never used to call it a game, but that’s what it’s become.
     News editors around the country didn’t want to get “beat” on the pipe-bomber story. So they made a big deal out of it because they know the “competition” — the “other guys” — would.
     They turned a hunt into a twisted little ineffectual pervert into national news, for three days.
     The curators of our national news — including The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal and all of the networks — have become a bunch of willfully neutered sheep.
     Sheep are not courageous. Sheep follow the herd. The only thing a sheep knows is how to be taken care of by his keeper, or get his throat ripped out by wolves.
     A sheep chews what its keeper feeds it, turns it into cud, regurgitates it into his own mouth, then chews it again, swallows it again and burps it up again, as he passes it through his several stomachs.
     That’s what the pipe bomber story was. Three days of regurgitated cud. Glory to the moron.
     Listen: Ignorant people who think they can conquer the Western World by murdering people at random — on the streets, in shopping malls, at rock concerts, in airplanes — are no threat to Western civilization. They are morons.
     Medieval thought will never conquer Western science — despite all the seats its followers hold in the U.S. Congress.
     The only way these ideological and sexual perverts can hurt us is if we keep doing what we have been doing for 15 years, and what we did last week: responding to ineffectual shows of force by committing hundreds of billions of dollars to combating puny “threats,” which have existed since the beginning of the world, and will exist forever.
     Ahmad Schmuck is a caveman beating two rocks together.
     In response, the most powerful nation in the history of the world spent three days going wee-wee in its shorts, being fed “news” by semi-literate sheep.
     Give me a break, America. As a former resident of New York’s Upper West Side, allow me to ask: “Are you kidding me? Get the fuckouta here.”

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