Idiot, USA

     Man, I feel like a total sucker. Here I’ve been attending law school for two years, getting sick to my stomach every time I catch an accidental glimpse of the current balances due on my student loans, when I could have gotten a legal education for a whopping $2,164.00 from the Erwin Rommel School of Law.
     Not only would I have saved a ton of money, I could have taken such intriguing classes like the Assault Weapons Law Seminar, learned how to “sue the law clerks & staff attorneys who screw you” with the Advanced Training Seminar for Non-Lawyers, and prepped myself for practicing cutting edge law in the 21st Century by delving into the Blackstone Institute’s 1914 Law Course, which is the complete original 1914 course of study for those preparing to practice law.
     With this last class especially, I would have been exposed to both the common law (thank god that’s disappeared) and statutory law, you know, “before the law became corrupted.”
     Plus, “Rommel Law” probably just looks cooler on a t-shirt than something tame and weak like “Stanford Law,” or “Texas Law.”
     Or I could have attended George Gordon Law, where the class on Mosaic Law would have taught me how to redeem the firstborn, or build an alter without iron tools. Of course, this class is taught along side such law school staples as Subsistence and Survival, or the Status and Tax Class, which teaches you how to remove yourself from the “system” by changing your legal status to lower your taxes.
     The best part about Gordon Law is, I could get my entire education using the barter system. He’s currently willing to exchange a law education for, among other items, metal buildings, bagpipes, a sheep herder’s wagon, mountain bikes, a composting toilet, and a swimming pool.
     A few weeks ago I caught a piece on the “ABC Nightly News” about a cult-like affiliate of whackjobs, morons, and wingnuts called the sovereign citizen movement. The story was triggered by a much-publicized incident which occurred in May 2010, when a father/son wrecking crew of sovereign citizens murdered two police officers during a traffic stop before themselves being killed a couple of hours later.
     Essentially, these loons purport that they are their own sovereigns, not subject to the laws of any government because each level of government (with the possible exception of county law) is beyond corrupt and has been so distorted from the founding ideals of this country that it is their duty and right to disassociate themselves from all forms of governmental interference. Which begs the question: exactly how sovereign was each of Thomas Jefferson’s 200 slaves?
     Since it is such a loose amalgamation of paranoid buffoons, there is no set of core principles to follow. How can you join something that, essentially, promotes anarchy? It’s sort of like that old joke about the Anarchy Club in college, where nobody ever showed up at the meetings.
     Instead, these people insist they are not subject to hunting licenses, property taxes, some maintain that a mysterious 13th Amendment was illegally removed from the Constitution that would have prevented attorneys from holding public office, one guy even came up with his own language.
     Man, to think I’ve wasted all this money on a law education, when I could have just volunteered at George Gordon’s farm for the summer for my degree. Who’s the fool now?

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