I Protest!

Excuse me for a moment while I take a knee. … OK, you can sing “The Star Spangled Banner” now. I’m terrible at sports so this is about the only chance I get to do this in public (metaphorically speaking).

I tried to take a knee on the sidewalk the other day but people insisted on trying to help me up. I think someone might have called for an ambulance – for some reason, people freak out when they see old guys take a dive.

What I’m protesting with my metaphoric knee isn’t social injustice (although I’m firmly against injustice). I’m protesting the arguments over protesting.

We’re supposed to be talking about racism and instead we’re debating whether the sight of people kneeling for a couple of minutes somehow demeans soldiers and spoils football.

Then again, maybe football is a religion and kneeling isn’t part of the traditional service.

Expect to see team owners apply for religious tax exemptions.

And now that you’ve had to endure my excruciating, time-consuming protest, let’s return to our normal non-political trivia.

 

Criminal voting. Here’s a question I’m hoping most of you haven’t considered: If you’re in prison, how do you get to your polling place?

I’m only guessing here, but I’m pretty sure voter turnout among felons in jail is fairly low.

I bring this up because the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Third Circuit last week ruled that Philadelphia City Commissioners did not have to make sure that prisoners were off voter rolls.

My initial reaction to seeing this ruling was to wonder how much voting was going on in the Big House. Were there little old ladies at tables in the exercise yards?

Probably not. You can’t vote in Pennsylvania if you’re a convicted felon in prison.

But I suppose the plaintiff – something called the American Civil Rights Union (not to be confused with the American Civil Liberties Union, which I automatically thought it was until I looked more closely) – could have been worried about people impersonating prisoners.

The Union was also apparently worried about people impersonating dead people. (Little old ladies at tables in graveyards?)

I don’t know how much of this is going on but it seems to me that if you’re going to fake vote, it would make more sense to impersonate a registered live non-felon. At least half of them don’t vote anyway, so you might as well take their spot.

 

Tough choice. My favorite headline of the week came from something called LegalLoop: “Law Career or porn career: The girl who chose porn over case studies.”

OK, most of us would choose porn over case studies, but the point of the story was that a woman in the UK quit law school to become a porn star and that made her happy.

I’m not sure why this was a news story. After all, almost everybody at some point has to choose between education and sex work. The only weird thing about the report (assuming it’s not fake news) is that the woman got halfway through law school before switching to porn.

I think she should have made it a double major. You wouldn’t have to do an awful lot of marketing if your firm had a porn star partner.

Every case could have a happy ending.

 

Political stance? If taking a knee during the national anthem is a political expression, then isn’t standing a political expression too, since you’re disagreeing with the knee-takers?

After all, you have to actively more your body to get into the position you prefer. Either way, it’s a statement.

So if you truly think politics and sports don’t mix, you should remain seated and continue drinking your beer.

Or maybe go to the bathroom during the anthem. Just hurry – you don’t want to miss the game.

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