I Get My Due

I have to admit I’ve always thought highly of myself. I am, after all, the smartest person I know – the font of all wisdom. But I’ve always thought that I was underappreciated by others. Week after week, I offer practical, sound advice for life and livelihood, but it seemed as if hardly anyone noticed.

Apparently, I’ve underestimated my fan base. There are those who look to me for guidance.

I know this now because I received the following email message last week:

“Hey MILT,

“I saw here that you’ve written tips for lawyers. If you’ll be covering similar topics in the future, such as marketing strategies for law firms, I’d love to be a source or contribute a unique article.

“Are you taking pitches?”

I don’t take pitches – I hit them out of the park.

Still, it was nice to know that someone recognized my expertise. As you may recall, the column mentioned in the email suggested that lawyers pretend to be their own clients and write gushing online reviews about themselves. It’s only natural that someone in the marketing field would be inspired by that kind of advice.

Clearly, I don’t need any outside help.

Now I know some of you are wondering who my correspondent is and want to hire him because of his ability to recognize greatness. That’s only natural.

But I figure someone as good at marketing as that should be able to find clients on his own. I’m sure he’d agree.


Witch trial? I’ve seen many thousands of employment harassment and discrimination lawsuits over the years, so I’m not easily impressed by tales of woe.

I am now impressed.

It’s going to be pretty hard to beat – in a depressing sort of way – the tale told last week that was assumed to be true by a federal court in Pennsylvania because it was considering a motion for summary judgment. The case is Zurchin v. Ambridge Area School District and you really need to read it to get the full horror of the situation.

Apparently, at least according to the plaintiff who had been hired as Superintendent of a school district, members of a school board decided to create a hostile work environment. This included swearing at her and threatening her.

And when that didn’t work, “plaintiff was publicly and falsely accused of running a meth lab and engaging in Satanic worship.”

Apparently just questioning the plaintiff’s competence was too boring.

If you’re ever in the Ambridge area, I suggest taking in a school board meeting. They’ve got to be fascinating. Just make sure you can’t be accused of being a witch.


Headline of the week. The Pennsylvania case wasn’t the only example of the supernatural in court last week. The New Haven Register offered this story: “Decapitated chickens found in courthouse.”

No, they weren’t running around like something.

According to the news report, headless chickens are used for spells to protect people from being found guilty. There was no indication as to whether it worked.

There was also no explanation of how someone could smuggle headless chickens into a courthouse and put them under a courtroom bench without being noticed.

I’m thinking it happened during a really boring trial.

I’m guessing there are some local Yale students chuckling over this.


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