God $ave Us From Clout

     As your legal news columnist, I “cut through the tripe” about important issues facing our nation, and bring a new and incisive slant to them every day.
     As your legal news columnist, I “cut through the tripe” about important issues facing our nation, and bring a new and incisive slant to them every day.
     As your legal news columnist, I “cut through the tripe” about …
     Sorry!
     Sticky keyboard here!
     Senator Rubio warned me about that. Still, he used my stuff … Over and over and over …
     Ha ha! A little joke at the expense of His Cuteness, whose only good news this week was finishing one place ahead of Chris Christie in New Hampshire.
     I like Governor Christie, though I believe he belongs in jail, for that stunt on the George Washington Bridge. And I’ll tell you why I like him, to burnish my conservative credentials.
     (That’s right! Conservatives issue credentials today – at a far more attractive price than Hillary Clinton charges for liberal credentials! (Both parties charge extra for burnishing.))
     Where was I? Oh, yes.
     I’ve liked Christie ever since I saw him eviscerate two schoolteachers and their union at a town hall meeting in 2010, early in his first term. And – would you believe it? – the governor clinched his argument by talking about his emails.
     Let’s back up a bit.
     I taught in public high schools for nine years. I was a union member. I have always supported labor unions, and always will. But Christie won my respect for calling out a teacher, before God and all of us, on TV, about an email from the head of a union local in New Jersey, asking teachers to pray for his death.
     Christie said he would fire any member of his staff who sent an email like that.
     Ahem.
     But in that town hall meeting, Christie showed he had mastered the issues. He didn’t plead for understanding or suck up to people who could deliver him votes. He told them how it was, and that they could stuff themselves if they didn’t like it.
     I liked him for that and I still do.
     “Great, Bob,” those of you who are still awake may say. “But why didn’t you tell us this about the noble governor months ago?”
     Well, first, because I just remembered it, but also because he’s not a noble governor.
     The George Washington Bridge traffic jam was one of the sleaziest political tricks of all time. I lived by that bridge, on the New York side. I know what Christie did, and so do you. And it will all come out, eventually, in the Bridgegate emails.
     I think Christie could have been a good president – and I don’t agree with him about anything. He wouldn’t have been a Lincoln or an FDR, but he would be better than any of the bozos still in the race in his party: the odious Ted Cruz, the kewpie doll Rubio, the neofascist Trump.
     So, farewell, Governor Christie. You had your chance and you blew it – for a cheap political trick.
     But I still like the guy, probably because I grew up in Chicago when the Hon. Richard J. Daley was mayor. I learned all I’ll ever need to know about politics from Mike Royko’s column on Page 3 of the Sun-Times.
     Royko, the greatest political columnist since Mencken, would have said that Christie didn’t have enough clout.
     God $ave us from clout.

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