Georgia on My Mind

We don’t need to pack the U.S. Supreme Court. Oh sure, it might be nice for those of us on the left side of politics, but it doesn’t solve some immediate problems and it’s not a great precedent.

There’s a better way of getting things done: pack Georgia.

If, say, 100,000 Democrats move to Georgia right away, they can turn the U.S. Senate into a group that actually does things.

Really. The Georgia Voter Guide says “there are no length of residency requirements in Georgia, so if you have just moved here you can register on day one.” The deadline for registering to vote in the Senate runoff elections is Dec. 7.

If you’re serious about change in this country, spend a couple of months in the Peach State. It’s a small sacrifice that could save the planet.

I have anticipated objections to this plan.

Obviously, there will be lawsuits. Someone is going to argue that your residency is a sham. Maybe it is, but you don’t have to admit it. You can make it look perfectly legit by buying residential property. You can flip it in a couple of months and maybe even make a profit.

What if Republicans start flocking to Georgia once they notice the Democrats move? This could be a problem. Moving Democrats need to stay off Facebook and not tell anyone they’re moving so it won’t be noticeable. They’re going to be coming back in a few months anyway.

There’s no reason for aboriginal Georgians to be upset by an invasion of carpetbagging voters. Local Democrats will approve of the result and local business-minded Republicans will benefit from a huge boost to the state economy.

Everyone wins. Now start packing.

Bovine intervention. Sometimes — or maybe often — an appellate ruling gives us more questions than answers. I offer you the locked-room mystery of Faulkner v. Crumbley from The Court of Appeals of Georgia.

Rather than summarize this ruling, I will simply ask questions.

If fences are up and gates are closed, how does a cow escape? The cow owner claimed that the cow in question had never escaped before “and she could not find any indication as to how the cow had escaped.” My guess is that someone slipped her a key.

Or maybe the moon was out and she couldn’t resist jumping.

What about the concept of cow ipsa loquitor? If a cow appears in a road in front of an oncoming car, there should be an inference of negligence.

But whose negligence? In this case, the car occupants sued the owner of the cow. Why wouldn’t the cow sue the car driver? If there was a hugely overweight human in the road, would we be assuming it’s the large human’s fault?

There was also this: “(T)he fact that there may have been three stray cows that night does not show that the Faulkners were on notice that their maintenance of the fence was insufficient.”

This case may give us the proper definition of herd immunity.

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