Flicking Cops

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Never let it be said that I don’t appreciate police. I’m constantly finding things they do that impress me. Note this sentence from a Second Circuit ruling last week: “Officers are trained in the wrist-flick test at the Police Academy, and each of the officers involved in the events giving rise to this case received this training.”

That’s right, the wrist-flick test. It means exactly what it sounds like — you flick your wrist. This requires training.

If I hadn’t read the court opinion, I would have assumed like the rest of you that this means preparation for filling in at musical emergencies when there are no understudies. You know, jazz hands.

But no, it turns out that this means flicking a knife to see if it opens and locks in position. Imagine the hours of practice that must take.

In case you’re wondering, this came up because of a challenge to New York’s law banning gravity knives — the ones that flick open and stay locked. I assume this law was passed after the West Side Story debacle.

New York may not have strict gun control, but you’re safe there from old-timey gang violence. There is a Knife Rights Foundation. Apparently, it’s not quite as effective as the NRA.

Be up front. “No blandness, no service.” That’s the kind of warning we should be seeing in public establishments these days.

A hot topic in the news last week was public harassment and/or eviction of people from businesses. The White House Press Secretary got booted out of a Virginia restaurant and a transgender woman got booted out of a restaurant in Washington, D.C. restaurant.

You might think customers weren’t important. You might think the plight of Sarah Huckabee Sanders and her post-cheese-plate ejection deserved more attention than, say, the plunging stock market or air quality.

By now, you’ve heard a jillion opinions on whether press secretary- and gay couple-banning is a good idea, so you don’t need another opinion from me. But I do have a suggestion: Don’t forget marketing. There’s no reason why we can’t have specialty politics restaurants and services. It makes sense to be up front about the kind of service to expect at your establishment.

Artisanal branding is the way to go. Consider properly descriptive names: e.g. The Liberal Ladle, The Conservative Confectionary, or The White Waffle House.

If you want an exciting, confrontational, and maybe even newsworthy evening on the town, you’ll know where to go.

If this becomes a trend, I want credit.

Geography lesson. Odd passage of the week from a federal court ruling in Northern California called Simonelli v. County of Monterey: “Plaintiff says he asked Deputy Roberts for a business card, to which Roberts allegedly responded, ‘This is the superior court in the County of Monterey in the State of California. This isn’t Utah.’”

Can’t argue with that. I grew up in Utah and it’s definitely not Monterey. They also have business cards there.

Parting thoughts. Is the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a knife, a good guy with a gun?

If the Second Amendment protects the right to bear arms (as opposed to the right to bear guns), shouldn’t that cover knives? And shouldn’t that cover pocket-sized nuclear weapons?

Is the only thing that can stop a bad guy with dirty bomb, a good guy with a grenade launcher?

Just wondering ...

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