Fight for our right!

Finally, someone has taken a stand to fight for our right to party!

The companies that operate Madison Square Garden and assorted other venues have sued the New York State Liquor Authority in the Supreme Court of New York for threatening to take away their liquor license — an act “so unconscionable that it cries out for this Court’s intervention.”

Why?

Because it’s “an assault not only on MSG, but also all of its fans, who will be deprived of the full MSG experience.”

How can you enjoy a hockey or basketball game without people spilling beer and yelling in your ear while doing shots?

It’s not a major league experience without vomit in at least one bathroom.

Thank God or whomever that there’s someone to stand up for our rights.

If you’ve followed this story, you know there’s weirdness on both sides. James Dolan, the MSG CEO, apparently decided to ban lawyers suing his company from shows and sporting events. Facial recognition technology was used to ferret out offending lawyers who were careless enough to leave their fake beards and glasses at home.

That may sound petty but the offending lawyers had no trouble matching the silliness by suing over the ban and complaining to the Liquor Authority. The authority — which is described as “a cesspool of corruption and scandal” in the lawsuit — was apparently shocked by the idea that lawyers were being deprived of Knicks games. So it rode to the rescue, claiming that MSG venues were no longer open to the public (as opposed to open to the public except for some lawyers) and thus should lose their liquor licenses.

The MSG suit points out that the ban applies to less 1% of all lawyers in the state and less than .03% of the 5 million visitors to MSG properties.

So it’s OK to discriminate against a class if it’s small enough?

Substitute the word “handicapped” for “lawyers” in the rationale and see what you think.

But are lawyers who sue you a “class?”

And why aren’t those lawyers watching different teams? If they weren’t before, they should now. Is there a conflict of interest here?

Don’t you love this kind of intellectual exercise?

I don’t have a rooting interest in this spat — both sides are demonstrably silly — but I do have advice.

MSG: Instead of banning annoying lawyers, send them season tickets. The seats should be just behind really tall players who never get into the game.

There may also be a few Gatorade accidents and you can subject the lawyers to lingering awkward Kiss Cam moments.

Banned lawyers: Find people who look a lot like you but aren’t lawyers and send them to games to get banned. They can sue not only for being deprived of entertainment but also for being slandered by the implication that they look like lawyers.

Then provide footage of real lawyers getting in with fake beards. (I’m picturing a bunch of Hasidic attorneys.)

The Liquor Authority: If you don’t want to be called a cesspool, let people drink. You will be loved.

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