OK, I admit it.
I have too much time on my hands.
It's the only way to explain - but certainly not justify - my new obsession: lawyer T-shirts.
Type "lawyer T-shirts" into your search engine of choice. Mine came up with 2.27 million results.
I did this innocently enough. The holiday season is upon us and I thought I'd offer some helpful suggestions for the lawyers in your life who might enjoy a clever piece of apparel.
So I decided to check to see what was out there already and then fill in the obvious gaps.
The gaps are not obvious.
There may be more lawyer T-shirts out there than there are lawyers.
You can spend many enjoyable hours searching for and gazing upon them. For those of you not so inclined, I offer some of my favorites:
Yeah, it's pretty scary - you got a guy claiming to be a lawyer and a picture of TMZ's Harvey Levin coming at you. Do not wear this around anyone with a heart condition.
Yeah, I know this picture is blurry, but it's that way on the site that sells it - The National Lawyers Guild. It's supposed to be an "NLG T-shirt." I think the legal point is that you're not supposed to read the fine print.
Yes, this one is a lawyer T-shirt. You can purchase it from thefightinglawyer.com along with a number of other fascinating items, including a book that includes the Fighting Lawyer's "own brand of serious comedy."
I think he may have missed the point of comedy.
If you can't read it, it says "To save time, let's just assume that I'm never wrong."
This is the perfect gift for that guy around the office that you can't stand but who will think this is the perfect tribute.
When he starts wearing it, everyone will hate him or her more.
And just to prove they're human, the shirt is really wrinkly.
The back should read: "... and then panic when you get the bill."
This one is perfect for an anonymous Secret Santa gift. Try not to be around when the presents are opened.
I like this one because you can wear it to find out which of your friends knows anything about American literature. You can draw your own conclusions from their reactions.
There are a lot of versions of the "Trust me, I'm a lawyer" shirt out there but this one is my favorite. I think the reasons are obvious.
I should point out here that it's hard to trust a lawyer walking around in a T-shirt that insists you should trust her or him.
The word bubble says "I'll bury you." It's adorable and disturbing at the same time.
That makes it my favorite.
I trust this has made your holiday shopping easier.