Corporo Sapiens

     Whew! We’ve got our Supreme Court back.
     We finally got a big 5-4 ruling last week in the Hobby Lobby case so things are back to normal. I blew the whistle on the body-snatching aliens, so they’ve fled the planet.
     I don’t need to weigh in on Hobby Lobby – you should be sick of it by now.
     But I do have one question: How many women likely to need abortions are going to be working for conservative religious corporations?
     I’m guessing it’s not a huge number. What we should be focusing on are the historic advances in civil rights for a group too long overlooked.
     Corporations can now speak freely (using money, their preferred form of communication) and can practice their religions without fear of government repercussion.
     What’s next in the corporate movement toward true equality?
     Before I attempt to answer that question, I should acknowledge there are two schools of thought on the rise of corporo sapiens. It’s a pessimist/optimist dichotomy.
     The darker point of view posits that “Terminator,” “2001,” “Bladerunner,” and Isaac Asimov were wrong. Sentient robots and computers or an amalgam of both are not poised to take over society.
     Instead, it’s the sentient legal fiction that we have to fear. If they can speak and worship, they can just as easily turn to conspiracy and murder. (Continuum, for the sci fi fans out there.)
     A corporation from the future may have traveled back to our time to alter the course of history. That could explain all the favorable court rulings.
     A corporation or two may have been able to disguise themselves and get appointed to the Supreme Court.
     The brighter point of view, though, is that this is another civil rights frontier, just like race, sex, and sexual orientation.
     Corporo sapiens, however, still have a long way to go and there are many questions.
     For example, can a corporation sue a traditional human for religious discrimination?
     Before you answer, consider the possible circumstances. A traditional human (we’ll call him/her a tradhum for short) rejects a job offer from a corpsap (corporo sapien) because of the corpsap’s religion (which happens to include a message from God rejecting the concept of overtime).
     Pretty clearly discriminatory.
     And yet the corpsap, practicing its religion, could reject any job applicant who’s ever been in a union (marital or labor).
     With any luck, the answer will be that everyone can sue, thus providing work for the lawyer masses.
     What about antitrust law?
     The end of barbaric and outdated antitrust laws is the next obvious step in this civil rights struggle. If two corporations love each other, they’re entitled to the same rights as any other couple.
     Corpsaps should be able to share all their assets, adopt children, and visit each other in the hospital.
     There’s no reason why corpsaps can’t be good parents. There is no empirical evidence showing that a child growing up in a corporate environment is at any disadvantage. In fact, adopted corporate tradhum children are likely to be very adept at managing their allowances.
     Natural corpsap children (aka subsidiaries) tend to emulate the success of their parents and should be allowed to spin off from home once they reach of the age of 18.
     What about jail for criminal corporations?
     When tradhums do something wrong, they’re deprived of liberty. Traditionally, corpsaps have been deprived of their speech rights (i.e., money has been taken from them). Is this fair?
     Obviously not. Corpsaps should have the right to be jailed rather than muzzled.
     Some of you may be wondering how this is possible.
     It’s not only possible, but it’s easier and more economical than jailing tradhums. All you do is build security fences and place guards around corpsap offices.
     Wouldn’t you like to see that?

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