Charitable shopping

Those of you who have a conscience and even a tiny amount of extra disposable income have a huge problem these days: How do you decide what good cause (or maybe bad cause) to support?

Where will your very-finite money do the most good? What charity hasn’t gotten enough attention? Which political race will be decided by your contribution?

Why is everyone trying to make me feel guilty?!?

Since I’ve wandered aimlessly through the internet, I get bombarded with pleas from just about everyone and it’s worse during election season. My inbox would burst if it was a real mailbox.

So what do we do? The fate of the world and/or democracy is at stake. We’ve got to do something.

I don’t have an answer. You’re going to have to decide this for yourself.

But I do have a suggestion that could make this easier or at least more fun: charitable or political shopping. Find causes that will give you stuff.

There are a lot of exciting purchase opportunities. Here are just a few for your consideration:

**The Biggest 10” Trump Knife . This is definitely not the smallest 10” knife and you can “take America back” with it.

“Trump 2024” is laser etched on the blade and there’s a sort-of flag (or maybe a candy cane) on the handle so you can patriotically shiv your enemies.

Hedley & Bennett Harris-Walz Camo Apron. “From the lunch room to your kitchen table, Kamala Harris and Tim Walz are fighting for you.”

Your enemy may have a big knife, but with this apron you can sneak up on them before they have a chance to dice your tomatoes.

Burrowing Owl Adoption. For a $100 donation, you get a 12” soft owl plush and a burrowing owl adoption card from the San Diego Zoo.

You get something to snuggle with and you give a hoot.

MyZuzah. Here’s a suggestion from a celebrity whose X description includes “Jesus saves”: Buy what looks like a mezuzah, doesn’t have any Hebrew on it, but does say “MyZuzah” on it so you know you haven’t accidentally nailed someone else’s zuzah on your doorframe. Apparently the idea is to pretend to be Jewish to fight antisemitism (but only if some antisemite gets close enough to your door and wonders what the heck that thing is).

You will enjoy the many confused reactions to this tweet (e.g. this one).

The MyZuzah website assures us that the mezuzahs are kosher. I think that means they’re delicious and go well with chicken soup.

Vote Freedom. For just $600 you can Vote Freedom and also get a 1.5” gold-plated sterling silver pendant on a chain from the Melania Trump collection. The best part is the rear view of the pendant.

You’ll never look at those pathetic “I Voted” polling place stickers with pride again.

Emmy the Great. I have no idea how great Emmy is (or, for that matter, who Emmy is), but she’s designed a fantastic “Young Romance … True Love” T-shirt with dinosaurs kissing on it. What more could you want?

It’s not obvious from the shirt, but proceeds go to a cancer charity.

Love cures all.

Katie Porter’s recipes. California Congresswoman Katie Porter will send you some of her favorite recipes if you donate to her Truth to Power PAC.

I can’t resist this one — expect a food review when I get my Porter recipes despite the obvious lie from the website: “There are two things that can bring people together across any divide, political or otherwise: good policy and good food.”

Clearly this is not someone who has ever looked at Yelp.

Official Trump Mugshot Black Coffee Mug. Yes, it’s a mugshot mug. You can contribute to the Trump/Vance campaign with this purchase and show off your support for convicted felons.

Kamala Is a Relaxing Thought T-Shirt. Some of you will need this shirt from Swifties for Kamala after seeing the guy in the office with the Trump mug and/or knife.

The shirt, by the way, features a relaxed cat who doesn’t seem worried about being eaten.

Now get out there and get your holiday shopping done. The future of democracy depends on it.