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Sunday, June 16, 2024 | Back issues
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Capitalism In Action

Quick quiz: What do the following have in common?

Nature's Green Cures

My Green Garden

Green Caregivers

Organic Heaven

OK, that was pretty easy. They're all names of medical marijuana establishments recently named in lawsuits in Los Angeles.

I used to shake my head in awe at the imagination of people who came up with names for punk rock bands. Now the same thing is happening with marijuana outlets.

Be careful where you shop. You may not find what you want for your salad.

CONDOMNATION. It's not often that I come across two interesting condom-related items in the same week, but it has happened.

First, an outfit called Camden Healthcare, LLC has sued Max Azria, the fashion designer and retailer, for allegedly breaching an agreement to use his connections to get Wal-Mart and Carrefour (a European store chain) to sell an interesting product: condoms with the Playboy trademark on them.

I have several problems with this concept.

First off, do I really want a designer label on my penis? Will this label somehow enhance the cachet of the organ in question with anyone in a position to admire it?

Does it make me cooler or a poser?

What message am I sending with the display of the Playboy logo at a critical moment?

Does it mean I care because I use protection? Or does it mean I don't care because, well, I'm a playboy.

It's a mixed message.

More importantly for this litigation: Wal-Mart?

Designer condoms at Wal-Mart?

I admit I've never shopped at Wal-Mart. I've been in one briefly and it frightened me, so maybe I don't know what Wal-Marts are like. My guess, though, is that there isn't an extensive condom and Playboy product selection.

So how could this plaintiff have expected much? Impossibility may be a defense.

Item number two is the news that the Federal Trade Commission may be investigating a condom monopoly.

We learned this in a ruling from the U. S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia called Federal Trade Commission v. Church & Dwight Company, Inc. in which the condom maker balked at giving up information about its non-condom products.

It seems the FTC was wondering if Church & Dwight was flexing its economic muscle by bundling condoms with other things - like cat litter and toothpaste.

Imagine some of the interesting item-combination specials at your grocery store.

Hmm. I wonder if Playboy cat litter would sell....

GREENER GRASS. We also had multiple medical marijuana items to consider last week.

One is a press release from an outfit called Altitude Organic Corporation in which we learn that the company "provides independently-owned retail dispensaries in Colorado, California, and Arizona business support services, while also acting as a one-stop-shop for entrepreneurs looking to enter the burgeoning, multi-billion dollar industry of legal cannabis."

Now you know why we need so many dispensary names.

And, finally, we had a lawsuit from a woman who, according to her complaint, won a contest to come up with an interesting new reality series. Her idea was a show about competing medical marijuana businesses.

Her series: "Greener Pastures."

The network that sponsored the contest allegedly took her ideas for a show called "Weed Wars."

Marijuana sparks creativity everywhere.

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