A Real Stimulus

     I guess I shouldn’t be surprised any more but the government almost always comes up with solutions to problems that, well, just aren’t quite good enough.
     I’m writing this just after Congress passed the so-called “stimulus” package that will give a little bit of money to a lot of people.
     I suppose that’s a nice enough thing for people getting the checks, but it sure would be easier if the government wasn’t taking the money it was giving back in the first place.
     That, of course, is a bit too logical, but, logistics aside, the stimulus package probably isn’t going to be all that stimulating. It just isn’t quite good enough.
     “OK, Mr. Know-It-All Columnist,” I can sense you thinking, “what would be good enough?”
     The answer is simple: stop collecting taxes.
     If the entire budget of the U. S. government was put back into the economy – or, more precisely, not taken out of the economy in the first place – you’d have an enormous stimulation. I feel stimulated just thinking about it.
     Not only would be the economy be better off, but the stress reduction alone would be worth billions or trillions in reduced health care costs and greater productivity.
     The tax system – or, that is, the lack of tax system – would be fair to everyone and no one would have to worry about missing deductions or forgetting to mark some box that could trigger an audit years later.
     Now I know a few of you out there think you see a flaw in this utopian logic. You probably think the government needs our tax money to do all the things that it does (whether we like it or not). You are mistaken.
     The government does not need taxes to continue in operation.
     It is, after all, the government, and what is one of the things governments do?
     Think about it. Have you got it?
     The answer is: print money.
     All the government has to do is print enough extra money to fund all its little projects.
     The economy will be so stimulated that no one will notice the extra dough.
     Write your legislator.
      
     HUMANITARIAN NOTE. I do admit there is one humanitarian issue that needs to be addressed if we do away with taxes: what do you do with all the unemployed tax preparers, tax lawyers, and accountants?
     The answer is simple enough: give them government jobs. There will be plenty of newly-printed dollars to support them.
      
     UNCONTROLLED SUBSTANCE.  Nothing is safe.
     Picture this scene described in a complaint filed in Los Angeles Superior Court against Pepsi Cola North America:
     “Defendants … so carelessly and negligently designed, manufactured, assembled, installed, inspected, marketed, advertised, distributed, and sold its canned beverage product that … while plaintiff stored the product in her property … the chemical properties of the beverage caused the aluminum container to be weakened, pierced, punctured, and corroded, causing several containers to leak their liquid contents, thereby directly and proximately causing substantial property damage….
     “Plaintiff’s premises sustained substantial damage to the walls, ceilings, floors, and closets…. (A)s a direct and proximate result of the damage caused by the product to the premises, lessees rescinded the lease.”
     Yes, she was driven from her home by a soda pop attack.
     It kind of makes you wonder whether anyone should drink this stuff.

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