A news quiz

And now another of our occasional multiple-choice roundups of recent news items you may have missed. See if you can pick which explanation for a news story is true:

1. A woman in Winnipeg was fined $300 for throwing things at:

A) A Canada goose

B) A child selling cookies

C) A drag queen at a feminist rally

D) Her husband, who was wearing the wrong pair of pants

2. A 75-year-old lawyer in Providence, Rhode Island, is giving up his law license because:

A) He’s been dead for 10 years

B) He forgot he was a lawyer

C) He got caught giving pot to clients in jail

D) He’s giving up law to become a monk

3. Members of a rescue squad in Smith County, Tennessee, posted this on Facebook: “We are not sure if a cat may have played a role in his predicament or not, he would not comment when asked.” Who would not comment?

A) A man rescued after calling 911 because of an extreme allergic reaction

B) The proprietor of an oddly-situated bodega victimized by clever burglars

C) A man named Jerry allegedly stalked by his former partner, Tom

D) A dog stuck on a small island in the middle of a river

4. The Oklahoma County Sheriff’s Office and the Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation both confirmed they are investigating …

A) Whether the restrooms at the state Legislature were intentionally locked

B) Why some members of the Board of Education saw nude images on a TV in the office of the outspokenly Christian State Superintendent of Public Instruction’s office

C) A lost dog cold case

D) A local baker who refuses to produce wedding cakes for heterosexual couples

5. Circus Smirkus canceled its shows in the town of Milton because …

A) A rigging failed and a performer was injured.

B) No one bought a ticket

C) They were served with an injunction by rival Cross Clowns

D) None of this is true. I made those names up.

6. A news report from Wake Forest, North Carolina, told us that a couple was surprised to find something in their yard. “They hung out for a while, and then they kind of just went into the woods,” said the wife. Who were they?

A) A trio of bears testing out their lawn chairs

B) A young blond woman testing out their chaise lounges

C) Five pigs

D) Campaigners for a candidate for county assessor

7. Quote from a Boston news item: “They claim to have same-day delivery … I want my (blank) back, same-day delivery.” Fill in the blank and explain who “they” are.

A) A pizza taken by an impatient delivery person after an elderly homeowner failed to quickly open her door

B) A potted plant from a front porch after a grocery delivery

C) A cat taken by an Amazon delivery driver

D) A hamster mistaken for a rat by a plumbing supply company representative

8. Opening sentence from a Florida news story: “A 39-year-old man with a history of felony convictions in Polk County is now facing charges in South Florida after authorities said he snatched …” What did he snatch and what did he say he wanted to do with it?

A) A cat that he wanted to throw in a lake

B) An alligator that he wanted to ride

C) A circus camel that he wanted to shave so he could make a sweater

D) A cow to cuddle with

9. A woman has sued the Port of Bremerton, Washington, claiming she and her 2-year-old daughter were attacked by:

A) An otter who pulled the child into the water

B) A police dog who mistook a hamburger for drugs

C) A herd of feral cats who demanded to be fed

D) The mascot for the Bremerton Beavers

10. A team of snake hunters are using a unique method to lure invasive Burmese pythons. What is this attractive bait?

A) Plastic female pythons

B) Unclaimed human corpses

C) Robot bunnies

D) Ice cream

11. The Brooklyn Cyclones minor league baseball team got news coverage for holding a fan contest. What did competitors do?

A) Eat ice cream from giant baseball cap bowls

B) Do the Elaine dance inspired by an episode of “Seinfeld”

C) Impersonate Rudy Giuliani

D) Impress celebrity judges with creative insults

12. The Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources has announced:

A) Raccoons are now considered an invasive species

B) The rescue of an endangered moose

C) The discovery of the bones of ancient badgers

D) It took a jar off the head of a bear

Answers.

1: **A. ** Skip the story and go right to the highly-entertaining comments (642 of them the last time I looked). Example: “Geese are the original inventors of honky-tonk music.”

**2: C. His clients are going to miss him.

**3: D. Of course it’s the dog! Dogs hate answering questions.

**4 : B. The superintendent is blaming the TV for playing the dirty movie. News reports don’t explain why there was a new TV in his office in the first place.

**5: A. Ha! Gotcha! You thought I made those up. There really is a Circus Smirkus and a town of Milton in Vermont. Reality doesn’t need my help.

**6: C. This story is the dictionary definition of a slow news day. Pigs came. And then they left. You don’t get this kind of coverage everywhere.

**7. C. The Amazon driver got caught on video luring the cat with food.

**8. A. Bet you didn’t think we’d have two cat items in a row. Cats are very newsworthy. The best part is that the guy got caught after an officer spotted him “walking with what appeared to be a cat tucked inside his shirt.”

** 9. A. It’s the cute ones you have to look out for. They can take you by surprise and steal your children.

**10. C. Snakes fall for cuteness too.

**11. B. You have to admire the athletic skill this requires.

**12. D. Winnie the Pooh was based on reality.