Look to the Future!

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By Milt Policzer

It’s no wonder that so many people have trouble being engaged and focusing on the present – we’re bombarded with plans for the future.

Meditation and demands for attention from spouses can’t compete when you can walk into the local Target before Halloween and find Christmas displays.

I started writing this last week after getting an email ad from a company preparing for the Rose Parade.

Heck, I’m writing this now for people reading this next week.

Sometimes I think the present doesn’t exist.

So, what the heck – we might as well give in and stop worrying about what’s going on now. It’s pretty horrible, anyway. We’ll feel better.

I was determined not to write about politics this week – mainly because almost everyone else in the universe is doing that – but this theme of temporal displacement kind of demands it.

After all, the last presidential election lasted a couple of decades. Obviously, we need to get started on the next one.

Millions of Americans looked upon Donald Trump and thought to themselves, “Yes! That man should lead our country!”

I respect that. It’s what democracy is all about. The person with fewer votes wins. It’s in the Constitution.

But we’ve got another election coming up in just four short years. We need to think about equally attractive alternative candidates.

The key qualities seem to be massive exposure and experience on television and social media, a willingness to say anything that comes to mind, and lots of money.

Here are a few candidates to think about:

Rosie O’Donnell. This candidacy is pretty obvious. The entertainment value alone of a Trump/O’Donnell contest is off the charts.

Tom Colicchio. I was going to say Phil Keoghan or Padma Lakshmi but it turns out those guys can’t produce a realistic-looking U.S. birth certificate.

The point is that they’ve won Emmys for reality shows. They’re not losers.

And consider the potential state dinners.

Oprah. This one’s pretty obvious too. An Oprah/Donald race has the feel of King Kong v. Godzilla.

Do you want to fire people you don’t like or do you want what’s hidden underneath your chair?

Don Rickles. A contest between old guys insulting each other. It will be riveting.

Potential running mates: Jeff Ross and Triumph.

Martin Sheen. An incumbent versus a former president. Which one played the role better?

Now come up with your own candidates and campaign strategies. It will feel good.

If it doesn’t, try breathing exercises.

Future Judicial Star? The following is from a Ninth Circuit ruling issued last week called Zetwick v. County of Yolo:

“The district court extracted a supposed ‘rule’ that hugs and kisses on the cheek are not outside the realm of common workplace behavior, and, accordingly, concluded that such conduct could never support a Title VII claim.”

Someone alert the Trump administration – this district judge is your kind of Supreme Court nominee.

We have so much to look forward to.

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